I have been feeling pretty done with our current Clomid protocol. But I felt like I needed to do something. I just didn’t know what. I mean choosing the next (or possibly ultimate) step of our family-building journey is HUGE and I tend to naturally be very indecisive so I was completely overwhelmed.
IVF, adoption or live child-free.
Those were our options. I knew deep down child-free was really not a choice and instead of the safer route of adoption, I have been feeling like I need to try IVF. I am a big “what iffer” and wondering if we could have had bio kids is not something I would be willing to live the rest of my life with.
And then while standing in line one day at Dollar Tree, Hubster advised me that he was ready to start the adoption process. And I told him I wanted to try IVF. He agreed.
In California fertility insurance coverage is not required and even though we are government workers with generally great benies, we aren’t given the luxury of IVF assistance. My insurance covers 50% of IUI, but 0% for IVF. So IVF has been off the table.
Hubster was awesome and started looking into options to reduce the outrageous cost. He came up with enrolling into Flexible Spending Accounts and clinical trials. Unfortunately there aren’t any in our area that will pay for part of all of treatment. So FSA it is. How exciting, right?
It gets better.
I told my parents we are looking into IVF and my mom laughs and looks at my stepdad. Then she tells me they had just decided to give me the rest of my college fund that went unspent toward our family-building, be it adoption or IVF. Wow!
And it gets better.
The amount is almost the entire amount we’re guessing we need for one cycle. Holy shit. This is happening!
I cried and shouted, “I’m calling (new fertility clinic) tomorrow!” Then cried some more.
Relief and utter joy have been flowing through me since I got the news like 5 hours ago.
Now it’s just surreal.
OMG I may actually have a baby!
And my manager started a new job today and has been actively trying to recruit me. It has way more downfalls than positives (giving up my 15-min commute for a minimum 45-min commute, giving up work I feel passionate about and fun travel), but if I do IVF, I’ll need to have a regular desk job. I can’t imagine scheduling work trips (about 40% of my working life is spent out of town) around doctor’s appointments, shots (Hubster will have to stab me) and couch-rest. So as sad as I am, maybe a new job is in order?
I don’t know what God’s plan is for my life, but I know that the plan to make us parents seems to be taking shape and I take comfort in that. I have new opportunities that truly are blessings. It feels like things are finally falling into place, not apart anymore.
So today I’m good.
No, I’m freaking fantastic!
Finally. My weeks of feeling totally lost in every aspect of my life look like they’re over. For now anyway. ;-)