35 weeks

Holy cow!

Well, we’re nearing the end. And it’s so surreal. Stupid Stork warned me that pregnancy and having a baby never actually becomes real, but I didn’t believe her. I mean, woman is cray. But she was right! I still wake up surprised at this giant bump. And hold my breath until he wakes up and starts moving. (For some reason I think he has died in his sleep almost daily) Then he wakes up and I’m elated to find that I’m pregnant.

When I was not far along, I could not imagine getting to this point and would wish for time to speed up so I could get here faster. Well, people, it has. And now time seems to have stopped.


We’re almost ready. We had our last big shower (my work shower is the end of this month) last weekend which means clothes are all washed and put away, set aside, or given away to other preggy friends. The nursery is all ready to go, with the exception of 3 wall pieces that need to be hung up, the crib bedding needs to arrive, blinds need to be hung up, and returns need to be made. The playroom is almost complete. Hubster just has to convert the bookshelves into bench seating and I need to make the cushions (already have the bookshelves and I bought the materials for the cushions last weekend), then RockBand and the keyboard need to be moved into the living room.

The hospital bag is halfway packed, as is the diaper bag, and we’re putting car seat bases in the cars this weekend. I’ve prepped my L&D affirmations and will order them as photos next week to put in my cute Dollar Tree mini albums I bought. I’m starting to put together playlists (relaxing sounds, relaxing music, love songs, and FUN songs) on my phone and am organizing and copying all of my photos and videos to my Amazon cloud so I can make room in my 64gb sd card lol.

Oh! And we got our new dining room hutch and put all of the liquor and China in there and got rid of the cheap Target cabinet we had. We’re, like, real grownups now! Once all the rooms are finished I’ll post pics! The rest of my giant to-do list is coming along, but the things that are highest priority to give me peace of mind are done or on track so I’m really satisfied.

I also confirmed with my mom that she’ll come to the hospital with us to be there while I labor and give birth. And she’ll stay with us for a little bit while we get acclimated. I’m thinking of asking my MIL to come at about 3-4 weeks to help out since my mom isn’t retired yet, but I’m not sure that will work out since her and my FIL watch our 2 nephews 2 1/2 days per week. We’ll see though. Hubster just got approval to take 4 weeks off when the baby comes, 2 weeks around Christmas, and then another 4 weeks when I go back to work in February. So, we’re really almost ready!

Now I just keep working for the next two weeks and wait for baby. On maternity leave I’m planning to make our freezer meals and finish up the last of my to-do list. I’m planning on him coming late because every FTM I know has delivered at least 6 days late this year, but we’ll see. Last night while deep-squatting, I felt the craziest pressure. It was like I had been sitting on a bicycle for far too many hours. And today it feels like that every time I walk around and sit. It’s great to know he’s descending so much! But, he can be in position for weeks, I hear.

I know he’s head down because I just had my growth scan on Tuesday. Baby is measuring over 6 lbs, but since none of his measurements are the in the 95th percentile, nothing different will happen at this point. I will have another growth scan at about 37-38 weeks to check in again though. Oh and my lovely belly measured 38 weeks yesterday. Grrrrreat.

So that’s what’s happening here. It’s all very exciting, yet VERY surreal.

Lots to update

I got it!

Thanks for all the support and encouragement. I’m still in shock lol. My 2nd interview was on Wednesday and an hour after I was done, I got the offer.

So when I get back from maternity leave, I’ll be managing a brand new traveling unit of 4 staff. I can’t wait! I was already transferred to the unit to assist in the development of it so I’ll continue with it until I go on leave. While I’m on leave, another manager will hire my staff and start the onboarding process, then I come back in time for the field training.

It’s gonna be crazy, but seriously awesome!

Also, today my hubby’s coworkers (and my old coworkers) threw us a baby shower. It was so special because they were the ones supporting us and cheering us on as we started our TTC journey, and today they got to shower is with love, support, and so many gifts! It felt like we came full circle and I can’t wait to bring the baby in to meet all of them.

And tomorrow is another shower my best girlfriends are throwing for us! We are so spoiled!

Oh! My girlfriend came over last weekend and shared her concern about the state of our house and didn’t think we’d be ready to bring a baby home anytime soon. Hubster took it personally and was offended, which was great! Because he’s on a mission to prove her wrong lol!

We’re turning our family room into a playroom and he got the TV mounted on the wall, bought the wall unit to house the electronics that go with the TV, and cord covers! Now Baby will have less trouble to get into and we can still have the TV and wireless router in that room. However, since he will get plenty of screen time at his grandparents’ house 2-3 days/per week, we’re planning to use the TV only for music for the first couple of years. Planning. Lol.

Also, he got rid of our flimsy tiki bar that was in the family room and bought a respectable hutch for the dining room to house our liquor, bar glasses/accessories, and hopefully our wedding stuff and China. It’s a small hutch though and we’ve accumulated a LOT of alcohol/bar stuff over the years. 😒 Then we’ll take out a leaf in the dining room table, stack the extra chairs in one corner of the dining room and put the high chair in the other, since we won’t need to use it for awhile.

We’re going to have a real grownup house soon! With baby stuff! It’s SO surreal. But it’s happening and I’ll post pictures when it’s complete!

Um what else? Oh another week where I’ve missed a bumpdate, but I’ll quickly update you in bullets:

– I’m 34 weeks today!
– Baby started dropping a couple of days ago
– Hemorrhoids are still bad (went from 1 to 4, back down to 1.5)
– My growth scan ordered because I measured 4 weeks ahead at my 30 week prenatal is FINALLY coming up on Tuesday! Wish me luck!
– Maternity leave countdown has begun! 3 weeks of work left!

Here’s a picture from Wednesday


Guess who’s sitting on an ice pack?

Yep, that’s right, ME!

TMI-alert: hemorrhoid talk ensues

My 2nd hemorrhoid of this pregnancy has popped out and it’s so uncomfortable! But the worst part is imagining what will happen when I push this baby out. Especially because both have popped out when I’m merely slightly pushing. I’m not constipated or anything. Then all of a sudden, usually hours later, I feel a pile down there.

Has anyone ever heard of getting external hemis during pregnancy and NOT during delivery?

Pregnancy insomnia

Um isn’t it too early for this? At 33 weeks it is happening more frequently.

I’ve been laying in bed trying to sleep for over an hour and nothing. I’m so tired, but my mind keeps racing. I’m usually really good at quieting my mind, but not anymore.

So, hi, everyone!

Let’s see…oh I guess I should show you some pics of the nursery before our baby shower next weekend. We actually have Hubster’s work shower on Friday also, so lots of goodies will be making their way into our house!


It’s kind of a mismatched nursery at the moment, but I’m hoping the crib bedding and painting Hubster’s brother does for it will tie it all together! Also we’re converting our family room into a childproof playroom so half the stuff on the floor of the closet will be gone when that happens. Hopefully, the playroom will be completed the weekend of the 19th!

I’m slowly finishing up gathering stuff on my hospital bag packing list and will be ready to pack the weekend of the 19th. That’s the weekend I also have marked to put a waterproof mattress cover on my bed and put a towel down on my seat in the car, just in case my water breaks and gushes while I’m in either location. I also want the car seat bases installed in both cars. I know I’ll probably be one of the unlucky women who go into labor past my due date, but I also know several people who have gone into labor at 36 weeks so I want everything prepped at 35, just in case.

I’ll share my lists in the coming days to get your input, but for now, I think I’m going to try to sleep again. I’m actually getting sleepy!


I got a second interview next week! Eeeek!

I’m so shocked!

Thanks for all the well-wishes and support!

Also, Baby is still stretching and moving lots and even though it gets really uncomfortable, I’m loving them. Soon, I won’t feel his movements in my womb anymore so I’m appreciating every moment.

Finally, I passed another GTT! Yay! Thrilled not to have gestational diabetes. But I’m going to try to cut down on eating so many carbs to keep this kid from growing so rapidly. It’s so hard though…

Oh! Hubster and I just got back from our Babymoon in San Diego. It was wonderful. Lots of relaxing, fun, and he actually started reading The Birth Partner! So exciting to have him so on board!

Ok that’s it. Hopefully I’ll do a bumpdate soon.

Pregnancy is the most humbling time of my life

I am not in control at all. Whatsoever.

Of my body.

Or even my mind.

When I start seeing chub, I can’t adjust my eating/exercise routine to fix it.

When I’m feeling extra tired at work, I can’t sleep extra and feel refreshed the next morning.

I may want to eat a beautifully giant meal, but I won’t be able to finish it.

I may want to take the 3 flights of stairs several times a day at work like I used to, but I can’t.

I may want a pickle when I’m home alone, but I’m no longer able to open the jar.

All of that is ok. I just let it all go. Sometimes after a big cry lol, but really, I am loving being pregnant.

Except that I want to continue focusing on my career climbing, but I’m pretty sure I just bombed my interview for a promotion today.

I prepared, but my brain was such a fog, that I don’t even really remember any of the questions. Although I remember the things I didn’t say. The things that I knew would clinch it for me. I am literally the best choice for this position as I not only have the experience no one else has, but I have all the skills necessary. Oh did I mention that I’m basically creating the scope of work to be done?


I’m sad because I really wanted this job and while it would require the same amount of travel my job requires now initially, after a few months it would decrease drastically. Which means I’m guaranteed more time at home with my family. And I would be managing the team and making the decisions, not asking for direction.

So now I’m unsure of what to do next. Do I use the end of my maternity leave to start the awful process of applying for a new job? Do I stay and pray another opportunity opens up where I’m at? I don’t know. I really thought I had this in the bag and my career and this new life-altering change (baby) would work out perfectly.

I’m not going to worry about it right now though. We’re leaving on a short Babymoon this evening and I’m going to focus on relaxing and spending quality time with Hubster. When I come back, I can obsess about what to do about my career.
For now I’ll leave you with my preggo-interview pic. This just looks ridiculous lol!



And it was my last one in the office!

My boss approved me to telecommute 3 days a week starting next week.


This bebe is getting bigger and feeling heavier everyday so dragging my butt to work 5 days a week has been so rough. Now I imagine my productivity will increase substantially and my sanity will be saved.

Today I am 31 weeks and so far I’m still doing well. The pelvic pain has decreased due to my increased stretching/strengthening/resting lol. I no longer walk much more than 5,000 steps a day. It’s sad as I averaged about 8,000 until a month ago, but I’m listening to my body. I’ve heard about women ending up with walkers and wheelchairs! And not being able to resume exercise for up to a year pp! No thank you!

However, the pressure in the front of my pelvis has increased. I’m hoping that means Baby Boo is settling in and will continue to drop further. It’s definitely not comfortable, and his feet still play with my ribs, but it means he’ll be coming and I really need him not to come late. I’ve completely run out of space for him and my belly is stretching out further and further.

Somehow I still have barely an innie and no stretch marks! I really don’t understand that as I’m huge now, but I’ll take it! I’ve also officially gained 30lbs now. At 31 weeks. Waaahhh! So much for my goal of a 15-20lbs 20-25lbs 25-30lbs 30-35lbs weight gain. Please, God, don’t let me hit 45!

Other than feeling like a hippo as I waddle around and struggle on the couch or in bed, everything is great. All the kicks, rolls, and stretches make me wince, but also amaze me. And this morning Baby Boo danced to Hubster’s alarm. Have you of you heard that, “Good morning, good morning, lalalala…it’s a beautiful day” song as an alarm tone? If so, you’ll understand his dancing. If not, you should try to find it. It’s an upbeat and fun way to wake up. Can’t be mad at it, just have to get up! He also woke up when my dog barked in the middle of the night. That was interesting. Luckily I’m either too exhausted to feel him move a lot at night or he just actually sleeps then, but he has only woken me up for short periods of time maybe 3 times?

But. I have to do a repeat 3-hr glucose test. NOOOO! My belly measured 35 weeks. Sigh. And I also get an abbreviated anatomy scan so that’s exciting! But ugh I hope I don’t have GD. Sigh.

Childbirth prep classes? Check!

Hubster and I attended 4-2 hour evening sessions to get ready for labor and delivery at our hospital. It was exhausting going to class after a long day of work, but it was worth it.

First, they were so informative! We learned about different interventions used and when, got advice about how to handle nonmedicated childbirth, the actual process of labor and delivery, the hospital’s protocols, and that we have a choice about every part! Except the cases when emergency c-section is needed, which she explained. The highlights for me (besides knowing my birth plan would be carried out, if possible) were:
1. Finding out the following are standard protocol:
-skin-to-skin immediately following birth
-skin-to-skin with partner after c-section
-delayed cord clamping (YES!)
-wireless fetal monitoring systems to labor freely
-labor and delivery positions are determined by the woman giving birth (unless given an epi)


2. That she taught the partners some massage techniques that might help during labor. Not only did she show us what to do, but had them practice. And then she watched each of them do it and help them get it right.

3. She taught the preggos different positions to help during labor and we practiced them.

4. Also, did I mention this is a university teaching hospital?! I chose this one because of their giant combo labor/delivery rooms and they have the best NICU in the area so if by some chance our baby has to go there, he won’t be transferred to a different hospital from the one I’m recovering in. But I never in a million years anticipated they would be natural-birth-friendly. I figured I would have to rely on the fact that my OB believes in patient-led care.

5. The nurse teaching the class was very open and real about how painful, exhausting, and emotional the whole process can be, but I appreciate that. She wasn’t trying to scare is into drugs, but is totally supportive of however you need to birth your baby. And she was HILARIOUS! Hubster and I cracked up the entire time. And we were both genuinely sad that our classes were over. Hopefully she’ll teach the Breastfeeding & Baby Basics class we’re going to next month!

28 weeks pregnant and still infertile

It’s so true when Infertiles say infertility never leaves you. When you’re pregnant and become a parent after infertility, you end up kind of stuck between worlds. I still have a hard time with pregnancy announcements, pregnancy talk, and bump pics. Yes, I post this stuff on social media, but ALWAYS with a twinge of guilt. It’s just a weird place to be. I’m SO excited, complain about pain and discomforts, dream out loud, make plans for Baby and our family, but it feels weird to do that. Partly because it’s surreal and because I want to continue making my life more than TTC or my child. He is so important to me and I already love him more than I can imagine, but I refuse to make him my whole world or more important than my partner. I don’t want my whole identity to become his mom, even though little else in life matters at this moment. I am different than most moms in those respects and a lot of that comes from struggling with infertility. I needed to not identify as a person, rather than just an Infertile, for my sanity and my self-worth. I learned that I’m more than a label, including that of “mom”. Which everyone else seems to love. I worry that I’m somehow messed up, but I also pride myself in that. I also worry about my fellow Infertiles and their feelings. I know the pain and despair of still being in the trenches and hate adding to it.

So I don’t belong. I don’t fit in. Luckily I’m finding other groups of infertile preggos and new moms on Instagram and Babycenter, and and definitely am not seeking out mommy groups IRL. Much to the horror of my fertile friends lol. I worry about the day Baby joins sports teams and starts school because I really don’t want to have to make friends with the parents, but it’s a sacrifice I’ll have to make.

Anyway, I’m kind of down right now thinking about how different I am from my girlfriends and how far I feel from my bloggy friends and I guess I just needed to vent.

But I am so happy for all the good news I’m reading in Blogland today. Thanks to those of you who actually made it through this ramble of a post. A more exciting bumpdate is coming, I promise!

3rd trimester & so in love

I can’t believe in writing this. How in the world am I here now?!? I’m so emotional today as friends keep sharing Mark Zuckerberg’s pregnancy announcement and so grateful as I write thank you cards from our baby shower with my best girlfriends and our families last weekend.

The losses we’ve experienced are never forgotten, but are definitely more strongly felt as Little Boo gets bigger and closer to entering this world. He is so freaking loved already, that I can’t even stand to think about how much more my heart will love him when I finally get to hold him in my arms. His first kick to my kidney and dancing on my intestines this past week might hurt, but damn, is it all worth it! I find myself complaining more on days when I’ve slept terribly due to pelvic/back/hip pain but then I’m reminded that not only is he worth this pain and exhaustion, but women freaking rock!

We endure so much, but we keep going. Physically and emotionally.

I often wonder what my angel babes would have looked like and what their personalities would have been. I wonder how my pregnancies would have been like, similar or very different from this one, had they progressed. And I miss them all. I even miss the one that was transferred with Little Boo, but left us too soon. Though I’m grateful to be carrying a singleton since his growing has been so hard on my body, but a piece of my heart aches every time I have to confirm that no, I’m not having twins, to all the well-meaning strangers who are shocked at the size of my bump.

I know they and Little Boo are all a part of some master plan for us, but some days it’s harder to accept that. Hubster and I both love easily and feel deeply so it seems a little more unfair to have had these losses. I never would have taken any baby for granted and infertility could have been a difficult enough journey for us to power through together as a couple so I don’t know why the losses had to be thrown in there. But they were and we deal with them. And we know what a miracle Little Boo is. So I’ll try to stop focusing on the past and concentrate on the future. I guess I just needed to get these thoughts out as I come to terms with reaching my 3rd trimester.

I kind of deep down always expected this pregnancy to work out, just like I kind of deep down expected our first IVF to work out. Everything had come together so perfectly that it had to all work out. From getting money from my parents, to meeting our perfectly wise and optimistic RE, to being able to telecommute the entire cycle, and having so much support I just couldn’t imagine it not working. The devastation of a failed cycle would be too great. Then getting early HPT BFPs and such high beta numbers, then perfect US and making it so far through a very visible pregnancy, I kept believing more and more that we would have our take-home baby.

But reaching the 3rd trimester has been a trip! I’m now anemic so I’m really really tired, this baby continues to move, kick, and wiggle around, and it’s getting harder to roll out of bed, lotion my legs and put on pants/shorts, but damn I’m so crazy happy! My baby will be here in less than 3 short months! I’m organizing his nursery and the rest of the house and daydream about how our house and lifestyle will change. In less than 3 short months! Did I mention that?

Ok now that I’m not crying anymore and I’ve rested my back, I’ll get back to thank you cards. My bumpdate will come shortly.