We’ve made it to 7 weeks, I think!

Well, a day I thought might never come appears to be here. I woke up feeling less confident in my pregnancy, but that quickly faded once I smelled my yummy breakfast of 2 egg cups I requested. The smell was TERRIBLE so I quickly ran back to the other part of the house and when I went back to the kitchen I breathed only through my mouth. I could still smell it a little but I felt ok.

Unfortunately after eating them in the car, I started feeling really queasy again. And so tired! I tossed and turned last night from my sore bum. I think Hubster hit a nerve yesterday when giving me my PIO shot and my glute/hamstring were so sore and tight that I was in pain all night. Hubster told me of it hurts like that going in again, he’ll shoot in a different spot. Phew! Sounds like a plan to me.

Anyway, the fatigue and nausea seemed to wear of around 12:30 but came back at about 4 p.m. So I think I’ll be having cheerios for dinner tonight. Oh well. At least I’m not puking. I really really hate vomiting so I really hope that stays away for awhile longer.

I have graduated to my OB early and he graciously offered to see me and do an US on Monday at 7w4d. Yay! I’m going to ask him to do weekly ones until 10 weeks, as my RE does, but we’ll see if that’s asking for too much lol. I had my first pregnancy poop fiasco last week while on my business trip so I’ll probably have to discuss it with him. I’m so embarrassed. These are the moments when having a young (only about 5 years older than me) male OB is uncomfortable, but he’s always really easy to talk to shop it should be fine.

Ok, now onto my ridiculous worries:

Since we know there’s only 1 baby in here, I’m a little concerned about my blump. It’s massive! Here’s the progression from ER-Day, 4 weeks, 5 weeks, 6 weeks and today. I know PIO makes it bigger, all of my weight naturally goes to my abdomen and I have an extremely short torso, but this seems ridiculous. Keep in mind, my belly is now bigger than my boobs, which are now at least a D, might be DD now. What do you all think? Should I ask my doctor?

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Sex

OK, I need your feedback. My doctor didn’t put us on any intercourse restrictions after transfer and even though I reeeeally want to have sex, I’m terrified of it. He said there’s no conclusive research showing it messes things up, but even with his blessing I’m having a hard time allowing myself to do it.

What are your thoughts?

WE HAVE A HEARTBEAT!

The Happy Dances may commence!

I am technically 6w4d today and our ONE little ducky is measuring exactly that. The heartbeat was easily found and when I held my breath it was measured at 119 bmp. The first measurement was 114 so I was ecstatic when she did it again and got the higher number.

Hubster is slowly getting over his disappointment over only 1 baby, but I’m beyond thrilled. Twins would have been wonderful, but that brings on a whole new set of anxieties that I’m glad to not have.

I’m still in shock that we have a real life baby growing inside of me, Hubster not so much. His exact words were, “we’ve known for weeks.” Ahhh I wish I had been that sure. I feel even more optimistic, but know we’re not out of the woods. I should have had my last US with my RE next week, but we won’t be making the 400+ mile trip to the clinic anymore. We’ve graduated to my OB early.

Please keep growing, baby!

And here are the pics:

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The card from my RE's office

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The beautiful hb is on the bottom

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Our little ducky is between the 2 white dots!

Hiding

*** WARNING: PREGNANCY TALK ***
Please feel free to skip of this will be a trigger for you.

Waiting for the first ultrasound has given me the most intense feelings I’ve ever experienced. Although I know things can go well at 6w4d and then terribly wrong at subsequent ultrasounds, I personally need to get this first 1 over with. It’s killllllling me to wait so long, but it’s almost here.

2 sleeps, people.

I feel good about it, in between the periods of terror I feel, of course. I feel more and more “pregnant” each day and the more miserable I feel, the more satisfied I am. Typical, infertile lol! I’ve been secretly writing bumpdates because I’ve wanted to chronicle every moment of this pregnancy, but have been afraid of jinxing it. Plus, 4 or 5 weeks pregnant doesn’t seem really pregnant, you know? Because if I lost this baby(ies), it could be considered a “late period,” maybe? I don’t know.

I’m constantly worried and freaking out and prefer not to talk about what is happening with my body. Especially as people in my Instagram feed lose babies at 7 or 8 weeks that tested chromosomally normal. So I’m hiding. But I’m doing better at reminding myself that today I am pregnant.

Today I am 6w2d.

CRAZY!

Needing support

I was doing REALLY well off and on for about 4 days. I felt comfortable with this “pregnancy” (see, I’m back to not being able to use the word!) and shared the news with our families. Since it’s Chinese New Year and both of our families have been celebrating, everyone has asked the normal questions they ask any newly-expectant (still can’t do it!) woman. And it’s been fun to have normal answers! Until now.

I think since it’s been a few days since receiving my last beta, I have had a hard time continuing to believe I’m pregnant. Especially because it’s too early for symptoms other than exhaustion, giant/heavy boobies, and extreme bloating.

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So I caved and bought more pee sticks yesterday. Clearly, I still have lots of HCG in my system.

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But today, I’m back to worrying. Luckily I am busy prepping for a week long business trip next week and will be so busy working next week that I should stay sort of sane until my first u/s on 3/2, but I need some extra support.

Send any advice and encouragement you can think of, please and does anyone know of a SECRET fb group for women who are pregnant after loss?

Thanks for everything, ladies! I so totally appreciate it.

Shock

I imagine that’s what I’ll feel as long as I’m pregnant.

I was shocked to see a faint second line at 4dp5dt. In fact, my dear friend was the one to tell me it was there lol.

I was shocked that it continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when I received my first-ever BFP on a digital at 6dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked that my first beta at 8dp5dt was so positive.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when my 2nd beta not only doubled, but almost tripled at 10dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

In fact, I was stunned when the 2nd line became darker than the control line at 12dp5dt.

And I shocked myself when I stopped peeing on things at 13dp5dt. I couldn’t bear the disappointment of seeing the line stop changing. I figured that’s as good as it’s going to get, right?

I was shocked my 3rd  (and hopefully final) beta continued to soar. OMG, I hit the thousands!

I am shocked that I’m still pregnant.

I’m not expecting this pregnancy to end and I feel very optimistic, but damn, it’s absolutely shocking every day that I continue to be pregnant. I don’t ever expect that feeling to go away and that’s honestly ok. I think it’ll remind me to be so very grateful and my humbled heart is happy for that.

I’m having a hard time processing how I’m feeling, but I do feel an immense joy and pride. I hug my progesterone blump often and secretly smile. I even strut my stuff and let that blump do it’s Thang instead of trying to suck it in or hide it. I’m pregnant and proud of my pregnant body. I have to remind myself of that until I can safely start using light weights to re-tone my muscles because it has been sad watching flab overtake them.

But pregnancy is worth it and right now, I am pregnant.

We’ve doubled again!

Holy cow, you guys. I’m so shocked and humbled to feel truly pregnant right now.
Beta #3 at 14dp5dt is 1368.9

Doubling time from 10dp5dt is 39 hours.

I’m at work and VERY busy right now, but will be posting my thoughts this evening.

Doubling has occurred!

Beta #1 = 82.5
Beta #2 = 249.1
Doubling time of 30.11 hours!

This is all I have for now. It has been a long week and I need a nap before my parents come over to see my sister who should arrive from SD very shortly. (Long story short, family is here for my cousins baby’s 1st birthday so we’re celebrating Chinese new year early)

When will *waiting* get easier?

How, as a longtime Infertile, have I not learned patience? I was hoping that indulging in my POAS addiction would help in the waiting for the results of my 2nd beta, but while seeing that darkening line gave me a small thrill, I simply can.not.do.my.work (inside joke with Hubster) this morning! I can’t.

And even though my paranoias have subsided (I gratefully had quite a large bowel movement this morning, which means I can forgo the laxative I planned on taking. However, that “empty” feeling after my poop left me wondering if my embaby/ies fell out), I’m still anxious! I keep checking my online patient chart, my newest pee stick in my desk drawer (taken about an hour ago) and the clock.

Sigh. Guess I’ll look at my pee stick some more, then I’m off to lunch with my best coworker friends! Then I’m calling the damn doctor’s office!

For your (my) viewing pleasure:

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I'm so gross and I don't care. Pee is EVERYWHERE!