How do I support my man?

Ok here’s something I haven’t come across in ALI forums or blogs.  Hubster is incredibly supportive of me during this process and I am so stinkin thankful!  But one thing that’s come up is the fact that he doesn’t share his pain because he doesn’t want to make it harder on me.  And when I’m the most heartbroken, I know he is too.  I never knew a man could have a biological clock and want children as much as a woman (can you tell I grew up in a “broken” home lol!) so to see my wonderful husband hurt…I don’t know.  I just want to find some way to comfort him.  He’s interested in blogging some, but I can’t seem to find a community of men (weird, right? it’s not like we socialize men to hide their feelings and keep everything bottled up, do we?!?) for him.

Usually when Hubster is having a hard time or upset about something, he completely opens up to me.  But he won’t about this.

Any suggestions?


9 thoughts on “How do I support my man?

  1. Hmmm, my best advice would be to press on him when you’re feeling particularly stable.

    My Hub has been very “it’ll happen when it happens” about this whole thing (which only made it harder on me) so I never really needed to support him in that way. What I found he needed was to feel special and that he mattered. When things got really rough I started pulling away from him and being very depressed which made him feel like he wasn’t enough to make me happy. He felt pretty crummy then so I’ve made a point of always snuggling and loving on him as much as possible and telling him constantly how happy he makes me.

    I have seen a guy here and there in the ALI community. I remember reading one guy a while back, he and his wife were infertile. But after they got pregnant he dropped off the face of the earth. I think there are several gay couples in the community but I’ve never seen much of a male presence in blogging about infertility =/

  2. Ok thanks. I’m a little anxiety-ridden given this our BD week, but I think I’m in a good place emotionally and I’ll talk with him. Encouraging him to open up and let me know what he needs right now will help. I just wish he had an outlet too, you know?

  3. I’ve always had a hard time opening up to my husband….I can’t always talk when I need to. So I’ve found that leaving him notes is my best way to say exactly what I need to say without the pressure of his response. I noticed that things were the hardest for him when I was in my darkest place….I think he was always worried that I wouldn’t come out of it. So I would leave a note on his desk explaining my sadness, fears, etc. It works for us. It sucks though because there really is a strong support network online for women but I haven’t seen any men. I would say any way the two of you can communicate together and go through this together the better.

  4. oooh! “notes” is a great idea!!!! we can talk pretty openly, but I think he might find leaving notes a little “safer” since he has a really hard time seeing me cry.


  5. New here from ICLW. Hello! I don’t have any good suggestions but it is a question I think about often. My husband also provides me with so much support, which I absolutely need and appreciate, but I also recognize that often there doesn’t seem to be room for his emotions since mine take up so much space. I haven’t figured out any answers yet but just do my best to maintain an open dialogue. I think be aware of the issue is a good first step though 🙂

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