Ok I have realized that I’m now fully a bitter IFer. A friend of ours asked us yesterday if we will be around Memorial Day weekend for another friends baby shower. I was noncommittal and the friend asked if Hubster and I were free for dinner. I told her no because we were going to passover dinner (our first one and we were very excited!) but I guess her husband also asked Hubster about meeting for dinner so we thought we better make plans to at least get dessert. After the plans were all set, Hubster said “what if they want to meet up so bad to tell us they’re pregnant?” I remembered they were going to start trying this spring and immediately burst into tears. I ran for Kleenex and the wonderful Hubster followed and grabbed me and I cried into his chest. After a few short minutes, I was feeling okay and joking with Hubster. A really close friend texted me then and since she’s pretty sympathetic to IF, I kind of let her in on what I was feeling. Big mistake. Again. When will I learn?! She lol’ed and asked why I was crying so I just played it off on my crybaby nature. I reminded myself that even though she has PCOS, she hasn’t TTC yet and just didn’t get it and off to passover dinner we went (with our unleavened cake).
Passover was wonderful. Hearing the stories and experiencing the traditions (especially the 4 glasses of wine since I just ended my period) was so special. But as we started wrapping things up, I almost had an anxiety attack because of our dessert plans.
Luckily I thought to quickly text Izzy and she gave me the best peep talk and gameplan. I need to take care of myself if I’m to survive this journey. So true, even if it is hard! And the gameplan was to send Hubster over after dropping me off at home with mud butt! I almost died laughing! But it was the prefect excuse! Except now we’re meeting them for lunch this week. But I think I can handle that. Only 30 short minutes with them. Oh! The best part is that I can skip the baby shower because my entire family will be in town for my cousins graduation! So I can easily miss it and not feel guilty. Whew.
Now into holidays. Thanksgiving was hard this year because I was in clomid. Christmas was even harder because that was BDing time and Hubster was not just sick, but he had the stomach flu! New Years was tough because we were starting if 2012 not pregnant and officially infertile. And now Easter. I felt bad about half-heartedly putting together my nephews basket and watching him do his Easter egg hunt because, well, I want to be doing this stuff with MY kids. It I at least want a pregnant belly to decorate like an Easter egg! (So, Izzy, you must do it in my honor) Yes, I love painted preggo bellies and often daydream about all the things Hubster will be painting on mine! 😉
And yes, I am now a bitter Infertile. For the first time in my life, I am not excited about any holiday- even Easter.
But I wish all of you a wonderful day and hope it’s filled with love and family!