I just came out on FB! and Day 14

And wow, it feels good!!!!!  It’s still a little scary wondering what people (especially exes) might think, but I’m so relieved. I’m all about awareness for issues that are considered “taboo” and (I think) shouldn’t be and it was getting hard not to be able to “like” something or comment on something for fear everyone would see it and know my dirty little secret. I posted the link to Resolve’s info for family and friends of IFers and I think it will really help. I only got a few comments that led me to believe those people didn’t read the article, but out of about 30 comments, that’s not bad. And most people were glad to know what they should/shouldn’t say to us Infertiles.

Also, several wrote to me telling me about their personal experiences with IF. Most I knew had struggled, but had never heard their stories and one I had no idea was currently struggling with secondary infertility. It’s been about two years now and her diagnosis is the dreaded “unexplained infertility.” My heart goes out to her.

Two of the people who wrote are either preggo or has a miracle child. The other will never be able to have kids and is on the waiting list to adopt from Japan. She knows she’s going to be waiting awhile, but I hope her miracle comes sooner than later. Her and her hubby are great people and they need to fill their giant house with some kiddos!

Which me brings me to preparing for children. Since we married at age 30, Hubster and I knew we didn’t want to wait to long for kids. We had already lived together for a year and half before getting married and were as prepared as we’d ever be for a child. Bought a house, saved a small nest egg and got our last puppy right before getting married so if worse came to worse, he’d be a little over 1 when our first child arrived. I started charting a few months early so I’d be ready when the time came and we would hopefully get pregnant right away. Oh and the best part, I planned to start according to when the Chinese calendar predicted a girl and so she would be born at the end of May. Wouldn’t that be the perfect birthday? I was born a week before Christmas and don’t wish that on anyone! 😉

We were so excited those first couple of months. I was as prepared as I could be and Hubster was SURE it would happen right away. But then it didn’t. The 3rd month was when we lost our excitement and babymaking went from super excited lovemaking that would lead to conception…to reluctant plain old babymaking. We were worried my womanly parts had tricked us all of those times I went of BCPs for a few months and got a regular period. he fact that I am infertile was always in the back of our heads, but we hoped that wasn’t the case. Well it was and now here we are.

I’m excited and hopeful at the prospect of my ovulating this month, but I’m still so very bitter. And just in time for Mother’s Day to roll around! We have a groupon for a night up north on the coast and I think that’s what we’ll do for the weekend. No tv to watch Mother’s Day ads, mostly old people living there. Also it’s right after my fertile time for next month so it’ll be a good distraction from a (hopefully!) 2ww and we won’t be using it as a babymaking getaway. I don’t want to taint our vacays with that. While it sounds romantic, I know I’ll look back on any babymaking trip with disappointment if it doesn’t happen.So my plan sounds perfect, right? It’s the one thing I’m looking forward to. While I’m trying to gear up for it, I’m still hoping I’ll be pregnant and it won’t matter. I’m also plannning to send a card to the 1 IRL Infertile I know who has still never gotten that BFP. I hope it helps.

Now onto…DAY 14:  Tell us about your funniest Clomid/Follistim/injectables mood-swing story.  If you don’t have one, tell us your funniest general infertility drug story.

Oh man. These have definitely been filed in the “never think about or remember” place in my brain. Clomid made me CRAAAAAAAZY! I was the epitome of the word “mood swings” and Hubster was so clueless. It was a hard time for us. I would be cracking up with him one minute and not two minutes later, be on the floor crying this gut-wrenching cry the whole neighborhood could probably hear. At work if a member told me their mom/spouse/client passed away I would have to take a couple of seconds to compose myself so I didn’t burst into tears.

But the funniest (because honestly, I sometimes laughed my ass off at the same time I was crying like a cat being tortured) moment was when my friend and I went to see Breaking Dawn and I actually SOBBED throughout the entire movie. My friend was laughing at me the whole time and could barely watch the movie because she was too busy cracking up while I sobbed and sniveled at EVERYTHING! So embarrassing, but there you have it. Now please, for the sake of my embarrassment, tell I’m not the only crying crazy on Clomid?!? 😉

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11 thoughts on “I just came out on FB! and Day 14

  1. I know I said it on FB but seriously, you’re amazing and I’m so proud of your for doing that!! So brave!! It was funny how some people CLEARLY did not read the article because they literally said the exact things infertiles don’t want to hear…. like the chick who said to stop trying and it’ll happen and THEN followed up by offering her own children. I almost died. But so many others clearly read it and really appreciated the information which is so nice to see… people care and want to be good friends. I love it. If I ever do announce my pregnancy of FB is will be paired with an infertility confession like yours because that was awesome. Love you!!!

    And uhhhh I cried about the weather ALOT when we were in Europe because it was so cold. Like sobbing crying I was so upset. So silly… gotta love these drugs! I know we also fraught quite a bit which I’m sure was also a result of my moodiness but like said… we block it out for good reason!

    • Thanks Iz! Yeah i just kind of shook my head at some of the comments but the others were just amazing. One of my friends even wrote me privately to apologize for her earlier advice to stop trying and just have passionate sex lol! And she just found out she has PCOS too. So overall, it was really good. I cannot WAIT until you go public about your lil bean! Such a hard secret to keep!!!!! 🙂

  2. Just found your blog. Yay! Im so glad you came out. I felt exactly the same way and feel like I’ve been able to be the advocate that I want to be by being open about our struggle. Can’t figure out how to follow you on word press but would like to keep up with your journey.

    • Thanks for stopping by! Yeah and I am actually learning some from other people since I came out. 😉

      PS- I hate how hard it is to follow people on different blogging sites. I made a blogger acct just to follow and post on some blogger blogs. one person i follow on the blogger did the same on word press. other than that, i dunno! sorry.

    • Thanks Jenn! I’m normally a really open person about things, but this one took awhile for me to feel okay with sharing. And no, there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Now that it’s out there, I feel even less ashamed than I did before.

  3. Congrats on coming out on FB! I’m not there yet, but I’m hopeful to get there someday. It’s such a shame that we have it in our minds that we have suffer alone!

    Also – I’m totally with you on a May birthday being perfect. My bday is Dec. 20 and I always HATED IT!

    • Mine is the 18th and I have always hated it as well. 😉

      Letting everyone in one one’s fertility struggle really is a personal choice. It worked out well for me, but I know there are some people who would rather I not openly discuss it. Luckily, those people have kept their mouths shut! 😉 That’s not always the case for some…

  4. Unfortunately for Hubster. 😉 He only got ok with me telling our secret when I started telling him about the women confiding their stories in me. He liked the idea that our struggle helps others and that the article was helpful to a lot.

  5. Pingback: It’s true…the greater the risk, the greater the reward. | Dog Mom Chasing the Stork

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