I dreaded this day for months because every month I looked forward to to being pregnant this Mother’s Day. I didn’t hope it, I expected it. But in the week leading up to Mother’s Day, Hubster’s brother had a baby and we had to plan an impromptu trip to Southern California to visit our new nephew. On top of that, I had to make sure my mom, grandma and aunt didn’t hate me for skipping town on Mother’s Day. Of course they understood and off to SoCal we went! Yesterday Hubster and I ran to the store to buy Mother’s Day cards for our moms, grandmas the brand new mom (our SIL) and Hubster’s aunt that was never able to have kids.
While we were rushing to find all 6 cards we needed, I had to keep swallowing tears. I had been focusing on the honoring the women who helped raise both Hubster and I that I honestly thought I would make it through Mother’s Day with no tears. Luckily I was able to refocus on the task at hand and shelve my sorrow.
Later that night Hubster surprised me with a card. I was expecting one awhile ago, but since we had this last-minute trip, I knew he wouldn’t have planned ahead. Since we planned to celebrate my fur-mommy’s day tomorrow, I thought he would end up making one. Anyway, when I opened it I laughed and then bawled. My heartbreak finally had the opportunity to come out.
Here’s the card:
In case you couldn’t read it, it says “To My Amazing Wife. I don’t know where we’d be without you. But I know one thing…It wouldn’t be pretty.” And there are 3 dogs tearing up the house. This is perfect because I’ the one who runs the house and the disciplinarian. Daddy just wants to play and love on the furbabies all the time. But he is good at backing me up when one or all of them are in trouble. (I’d say we have parenting completely mastered after raising 3 dogs from puppyhood in less than 3 years!)
And because the card and circumstances (He ran out to the store one more time for something and found it immediately. He didn’t go to several stores searching for this perfect card, it was at the store closest to the house we were staying at in SoCal). were absolutely PERFECT, I have accepted that I am where I’m supposed to be. (That’s an idea I read on someone else’s blog that I have been trying to accept, but couldn’t until last night. Sorry I can’t remember which blog it’s from! If you know, please speak up! :-)) What a hard concept to grasp, isn’t it? Well this card woke me up and put that idea into perspective for me. How could this not be fate?! So I laughed and cried and hugged and kissed him and then I felt ok.
And now let me be a proud furmommy and brag. Aren’t my furbabies freaking adorable?!?
I know it’s late, but here’s my wish for you all: To those of you who are furmoms, aunties and godmoms, who help raise strangers’ kids in your classrooms, who have grown babies for just a few weeks to several months and lost them but continue to push on, who are blessed to the have the continued opportunity to care for the growing babies in their wombs and those of us who have not yet had the beautiful experience of a BFP, I hope and pray that we all experience the joy of our shared dream becoming a reality very soon. You are such strong women who have endured more than you should have had to. Each of you has shown more dedication, love and commitment to your future children than many moms who are already blessed do. And for that, you will be rewarded. You are heroes in my eyes and your children will be so lucky to have you as mothers.
And now for a laugh (hopefully! If you’re offended by the language I apologize. A friend sent this to me and it was the laugh I needed to start my day.)
I, too, will be a wonderful mother someday. And after finally accepting that this journey is the road I am supposed to be on, thanks to Jenn’s post this morning, I have decided to simply HOPE. Jenn provided a great quote and I thought I’d share another:
“Where hope grows, miracles blossom.” – Elna Rae
This “hoping” will help me get through my current 2ww, I think. If not, Christian and his 50 Shades will. Again. I started rereading the trilogy and the 2nd time around has been even more exciting and addicting. SHOCKING! And to prepare for finishing all 3 before my 2ww is up, I have Hubster working on downloading a ton of recommended books because I am only on day 2 of my 2ww. Eeek!
Here’s a 2ww update:
I’m not temping or symptom-spotting AT ALL since I ovulated. I may notice symptoms, but I am not allowing myself to note or chart them anywhere. Those two new rules plus my reading list should help keep me distracted. I hope.
O pain has been ridic this month! I do not like triggering because not only was my already-unbearable O pain worse, but the day after my stomach was three sizes bigger and any time I had to pee or ate I would be almost doublehd-over in pain. And today I’ almost back to normal. My tummy was almost flat (it wasn’t flat to begin with so that exciting) and the only pains I got was from gas. Is that common?!?
Anyway, I’m off to bed. Hope you all fared better today than expected and thanks for reading. xoxo