Do you ever just feel BLAH?!

I have no interest in ANYTHING right now. Can you be depressed, but still laugh and enjoy chit-chatting with your husband and in-laws? If so then that’s what I am. All I want to do is lose myself in books, movies or sleep. I’m trying not to think about what dpo I am or experience any grief. So I am again not very good at being supportive of people having a rough time in their IF journey. I just can’t deal, I think. With any of it. I thought maybe I was starting to like the routine of doctor’s appointments, POAS in the middle and end of my cycle, temping, pills and injections. But I don’t. Heck I haven’t temped at all this cycle and I didn’t pee on one OPK. I think I am losing interest because I a losing hope. 

I want a family so bad and I’m terrified that it’s not going to happen for us. I tell people that we’ll grieve and then be okay because we can buy our fantasy cars and travel the world instead of saving for college. But the truth is, we both will be devastated. It’s not just the idea of failure to procreate, but the idea of not bringing of mini-Hubster/Stork Chaser into this world. He is such an amazing person and this world needs more people like him. And I know that parenting is never easy, but we’re such a good and loving team that I welcome all of the frustrations and challenges children bring. But what if we never get to experience that?

I hate the unknown. I know life is full of surprises and those surprises make life interesting, but I HATE THE UNKNOWN.

Sorry to be such a downer…I hope my next post will e more positive. 🙂

10 thoughts on “Do you ever just feel BLAH?!

  1. I think that it is quite common to have a cycle of emotions. I get the blahs quite a bit here lately, so while I cant know exactly how you feel… I have a good idea. I am sorry that you are in a blah moment. You are amazing, strong, and courageous for walking your path through this IF challenge. Thats all it is, a challege. It sucks – but you are persistant and patient and will perservere. I know this about you and about your hubster. I am holding you in white light and seeing you as whole, healthy, and complete. I will hold safe space for you until you find your way back to center where the blahs are not invited to creep in and spoil the joy and blessing that you truly are.

    PS. This blog is about you and for you. You never need to apologize for having your down feelings… always hold hope that your next post will be more positive, but you dont owe that to anyone.

    Labyrinth Walker

  2. The fact that people are open about feeling down makes such a difference. It helps me deal with my blah moments. In real life I’m not allowed to show my blah moments. I’m meant to just relax, not stress and just give it time. I’m in a leadership role in my job and sometimes I do just want to run away from it all.
    The future is an unknown….I hate not knowing and I hate the lack of control we have. Remember though….You’ve got the love….

  3. Your first four sentences describe exactly what I am going through, too. I’m able to smile and have fun, but then I also feel completely disinterested in everything. I haven’t figured it out for myself, but just know that you aren’t alone!

  4. I think for me I went through this when I first started blogging and joined the bigger infertility blogging community. At first I was so intensely attached to every blogger and every story, caring so much about everyone. Then I kind of burnt out, detached, had a lull, etc. It happens every once in a while. It becomes overwhelming, we are all dealing with so much stress, at some point I needed to step back and figure out my emotional boundaries with blogging.

  5. I definitely just feel blah from time to time. I blame the hormones and the massive amounts of stress that we are under. I try to remind myself that, like everything else in our lives at this point, this is part of a cycle and as sure as you are down, you will be be back up soon enough. I hope it comes quickly for you. xoxo

  6. Yes I totally hear you,and I think its competely normal. Also, don’t apologize for being a downer. Its your place – write about what you want!

  7. You are completely normal, and you are feeling what we’ve all felt and what we all hate — the thought of not getting something we really want. You’re a good person. You have a loving husband. You are making a choice to have a family when the time is right. But it’s just not happening. Surround yourself with good friends and family and go with feeling blah. I’m convinced I was depressed after my first IVF. I was disengaged from everyone save for my hubby and family. I just felt awful. I also went started therapy just to help me get some perspective. Maybe check it out. A big hug!

  8. One thing I am learning about the (mostly) woman whose blogs Im following – your amazing and stronger than you think. Yes,today your depressed and feeling like total utter shit and want to throw the towel in…but tomorrow and the day after that your back on the baby battle bus and ready for the next round.Everyone has bad days/weeks but you will get back to where you need to be and maybe not dwelling on pee sticks,cycles and OPK’s is what you need right now.
    Your blog,your rules,your feelings so dont apologise for not being a giggle box,Ill still be following you and reading your story 🙂

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