Sadness & sweat

These two things are all I think about lately. I had a reeeeally tough time at work this week. It was hard for me to concentrate on writing clear, sympathetic responses to our members’ inquiries and heaven forbid I have to talk to them on the phone. My brain has been this thick mud all week so talking to them was even worse! And I feel so alone in my sadness. Hubster is mostly “over it” now and I don’t know anyone else who has experienced pregnancy loss IRL except one friend who had a blighted ovum. She wasn’t trying and was ultimately relieved, but she did grieve her loss for awhile. It’s just hard because she’s one of those people that prefers to grieve in private. And even though she was worried about me and talked to me for an hour on the phone, I feel like that connection is over. That I’m on my own again.

One thing, besides Magic Mike, that helps though is working out! Jenn’s challenge and my motivation to get my body ready for a sticky pregnancy has me working out already! I did Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred on Thursday night and am only just a little sore today. So today I’ll shred again and go for a run/walk. I’m going to try and run two miles since I haven’t run since before ovulation last month (since acupuncture has helped my body respond SO well to Clomid, my RE said he wants me to protect my giant post-ovulation ovaries and I’m not allowed to run until they go back to normal size) and then I’ll walk until I’ve gone a total of 35 mins. I figure that’s one intense hour-long workout. πŸ™‚

After that, we have a triple date to the movies this afternoon and a 1st bday party this evening. I’m looking forward to seeing my friend at the party who is struggling with unexplained (so far) infertility. She and her hubby have been actively trying for 10 months, but because they planned to start 3 months earlier and her doctor knew that, she was already referred to an infertility specialist and they will start the tests this month. Her cycle is very regular and she ovulates on her own at the same time every month (confirmed by OPKs, CM & temping) so she’ll probably do the HSG and blood tests. Her hubby will be doing his SA soon and hopefully they’ll have some answers.

Since she is a friend, but not a super close one (the wife of one of Hubster’s good friends) I’m debating about letting her in on my little world in Blogosphere. I haven’t yet decided. Not only is this a personal space for me, but I talk about people IRL that would be hurt and offended at some of my posts so I have to keep it top secret. I already let two friends in on it, but I’m having trouble deciding on this one. I know she could use the support because she’s really scared and frustrated and I’m pretty sure I can trust her, it’s just scary.

But now it’s time to sweat and get this day started! I’ll get commenting on everyone’s blogs tomorrow – I promise. πŸ™‚

12 thoughts on “Sadness & sweat

  1. Hi from ICLW. I’m so sorry to hear about your loss. I know, even when it’s early, it hurts like a bitch. I hope the days ahead bring you immense healing, peace, and hope. I added you to my blog reel, so I’ll be hoping right along with you! I know from experience that it does get easier, but it takes time. Sometimes a lot of time. Hang in there.

  2. I say let the gal into your blog life. I have two cross-over friends (they exist IRL and they read my blog), and it has helped me a lot. Just when I feel most alone in all of this, they drop me a line or do something to pick me up. It’s nice. I am still fiercely protective about my infertility around a lot of people, but this gal you know might be a lifeline right now. You’ll also help her more than you know. It’s good to have a wingman in all of this. =-)

    • thank you for the insight. you made some good points. i think i will do that…i just have to think about when. πŸ˜‰ the nest time we see each other i eill talk to her about it.

  3. The sadness comes up every now and then. Unfortunately for me I have the amazing ability to remember the dates of things that just adds to the sadness.
    You could suggest to her to explore the blog world first. Maybe she has a blog that you don’t know about. I’d suss out her thoughts and opinions on blogging before coming clean…..but I’m a bit of a chicken.
    You are making me miss summer. It is the middle of winter here and I’m struggling with the cold nights and mornings to get my butt into action. Mild action…..

    • hmmm…good points thanks. maybe i’ll bring it up to her that way, but with the intention of sharing my blog and all of you with her. πŸ™‚

      i’m sorry you’ve got winter right now, but be glad you don’t have our summer. it went from winter to summer (temps in the 100sF) almost every night. this weekend we got lucky with 70s and the next week will be mild in the 80s-90s. πŸ™‚

  4. Hey there lady. I hope Magic Mike helped to cheer you up just a little bit. I’ve never gotten pregnant, but I can certainly imagine the devastation of losing a pregnancy regardless of how far along you are. Sweat it out and try again! I’m sure that will never take away what happened, but hopefully it will help you cope, grieve, and gear up for this next cycle. xoxo

  5. I’m so sorry that I’m so far behind on commenting and only just realised about your loss… I’m so sorry 😦 Thinking of you and all that you’ve been through. Love always xoxo

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