And I finally have it. I have accepted that a lil swimmer met up with an egg, they got up close and personal and dug into my uterus. And because it was not a good embryo, we’re not going to have a baby. But, my ute still hasn’t kicked the damn thing out and so we wait. I have accepted that my uterus is a warm, inviting place and until my body is ready to try again, I will spend this month LIVIN’ IT UP. I have accepted this “wasted” month and am uber hopeful that our time will come. Soon. I have accepted that no matter how long or painful it is, THIS is our journey to becoming parents. Because we will one day. (This last “acceptance” was care of my acupuncturist. He rocks.) And I have accepted that while I know my family loves me, they are CRAZY and to be kept at arms length during rough times. 🙂 My IF/Loss playlist helped me to cry my eyes out and has become a security blanket. I listen to it in the car and at acupuncture. I don’t know why but it is just so comforting.
Yesterday I planted some new flowers and laid down some mulch and I feel like my slate has been wiped clean. We went through an awful experience and Hubster and I made it through. Together. And all of my friends really stepped up and gave me so much love and support I am still stunned. But this is why they’re in my life. I chose them for exactly that. No matter how many terrible bits of advice they give me, it’s because they are trying. And they are trying because they love me. Also, the half a bottle of wine I consumed helped some. 😉
Tonight I had a glass of wine with dinner and I will get my Shred on soon. Oh and I have to mention Hubster and I will be shakin our booties soon because WE BE CLUBBIN’ lol! I can’t wait to go out next weekend. It’s been close to a year! 🙂 And it’s actually kinda cool not to be taking Clomid right now too. I am really enjoying being so zen right now and hopefully I’ll keep focusing on the positives of taking a break.