Damn. CD3 baseline showed a giant cyst (30-something mm) which means two things: we’re out another effing cycle and I CAN’T RUN! Omg I’m crushed. A little dramatic right? Well get this: the doc is worried about Diminished Ovarian Reserve. He looked back through my chart and sure enough my AMH level was 0.9. Not so good. Why didn’t I know this months ago?! And that explains why I had so few follicles last month. I only had 4 total. Usually I have at least that many on just one ovary. So the cyst and the small numbers of follicles is what clued him in. I’m going to start on 25mg of DHEA twice daily sson and that should help increase my number of follicles. We can start more testing (Day-3 FSH & counting the eggs) after my cyst goes away. Which I’m trying to let happen naturally again. But for those of you with experience, what does this REALLY mean?
Emotionally I’m a mess. This news sucks, but the circumstances around it sucks worse. I was fine today. I was GREAT yesterday (after much-needed retail therapy and acupuncture). I had a small freak out when my period came on Wednesday, but it was over so quickly. I burst into tears and decided I was done. I complained to Hubster for about 2 mins before I was actually ready to get going! I was feeling positive and slightly freaking out about not freaking out. My acupuncturist had a great point. He said that while this journey is stressful, I need to stop stressing and let him and my doc do the stressing. He pointed out that it’s their jobs to get my body working properly and as long as I’m eating healthy and exercising regularly, there’s nothing else I need to do. He specifically said my infertility is out of my control so let go. And I did. I almost cried because I felt this huge weight being lifted off of my shoulders. So I was fine yesterday. I was great today.
I say optimism & faith are for the birds. I’m tired of finding my faith again only to be completely shat on. Not only did I not get pregnant (that’s disappointing, but fine), but now I have to sit this cycle out (frustrating, but fine) and I have to wait for the cyst to go away to find out if I have the egg supply of someone much older than me, UUUUUUUUUGH.
Tomorrow is a new day. I can’t run, but I can walk and hopefully that will help clear my mind. Right before I fly to D.C. tomorrow evening with my family. Sigh.