Trying to get back up and jump back in

This is the longest I have felt hopeless and scared that we would never have our take-home baby. I miss you ladies like crazy. And this eCard just spoke to me.

I need to keep up with your lives and I need your support to make it through whatever our future holds. Life has been insanely busy, but distraction hasn’t helped the way you’d think it would. In fact, I think ignoring and repressing our struggle with infertility has made me depressed. Last weekend Hubster and I laid sod. It was one of the most back-breaking work I have ever done in my life, but I’m so proud oh what we accomplished.

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Also, on Friday worked my last day at the agency I’ve been with for 3 years and am about to embark on a new position in a completely different industry on Monday. During my last meeting with my old boss, I realized I have ignored our infertility for too long. I couldn’t even finish telling her that we weren’t able to try this month without crying. Let alone stay dry-eyed when she talked about how unfair it is for this journey to be soooo long for us, but be so short for other people.

Statements like this from fertile people made me think I didn’t need this community the way I thought I would, but I do. Having uber understanding people in my life helps immensely, but you get me and get this. I’m not hopeful and don’t want to be positive right now.

I have never been more scared in my life and I don’t want to put my hope in blind faith right now. I’m tired of people who have no idea how this feels to tell me it’ll work out. It may not. So I’m back. I need YOUR faith, hope and support. Sorry I left for awhile and thanks for understanding why I needed to.

And THANK YOU for the emails and support while I hid away. Love you!

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11 thoughts on “Trying to get back up and jump back in

  1. YAY welcome back! I do not envy your laying sod but your yard looks fantastic!! People used to tell me constantly that one day it would happen and at the time I remember thinking “how do you know – for some people it doesn’t. It might not.” HUGS. We are always here for you

  2. Hi lovely, you have kindly commented on my blog before, and as I am going private I wanted to let you know in case you wanted to join my reader list.
    If you would do email me at
    em(dot)hart(at)rocketmail(dot)com
    and leave me your email address.

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