Warning…long and hard coming your way…

…an update that is!!!! 😉 🙂

My CD11 U/S showed one giant follie and 4 smaller ones. I triggered that night and today was O-Day!  Luckily we planned the shot so that I would O later in the day and sure enough, exactly 40hrs later at 2:30pm, horrible pain hit.  I got through it and then at about 4pm I started getting some slight pain on the other side and then general cramping in the middle of my lower abdomen.  What’s weird is that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time.  It was exciting to be in so much pain because I knew that my egg would be meeting a gajillion of Hubster’s swimmers.  We successfully BDed three times in the last 4 days!  And while we planned to get one last sesh in tonight, I really don’t think it’s worth the pain at this point in my cycle.  So I’m really hopeful, you guys.  But the funny thing is that I think I will be just as okay with Lady Red’s arrival this month (should that happen) as I was last month. Heck, I even want to decorate my house because what if we get our miracle this month?! I want to remember a home filled with holiday cheer. And I expect that even if I don’t get pregnant, I’ll be ok.

And that’s because we talked the other night and have decided if I don’t get pregnant before next summer we’ll start looking into the foster-adopt option.  I want to be a mom and I want to be a mom so bad that the idea of adopting is actually as exciting as the thought of giving birth!!  So I know that next Christmas will be much different.  We’ll either have a baby, be expecting, or be in the process of adopting.  And if we adopt, that won’t be the end.  We’ll continue trying but will have a baby while my body has time to recover from this last year of drugs and miscarriage.  It’s amazing how looking into other options to becoming a mom brings so much peace. 🙂

Along with the peace of knowing motherhood is impending, came a hard look at the people in my life. See, infertility really tests every relationship you have. Whether it is your romantic partnership, family members or friendships, all will be tested. Some will fail and others will thrive. And for me I have decided to close the chapter on a relatively new friendship (a little less than 4 years) and adjust my expectations for my relationship with my sister.

The friendship I’m talking about has been full of tension and unease since the beginning. I just don’t deal well with people who are self-righteous and always need to be right and she is that type of person. Those people need people who can just brush it off with an eye-roll and avoid topics that will bring conflict, but that’s not me.  The most recent issue came because I finally told her (very gently) that her going on about how exciting Halloween was because it’s all about her son and posting pics of their costume-shopping trip in our friends’ FB group page was too much for me. She’s the only person whose FB posts are now hidden from my newsfeed because of how many baby/mommyhood posts she writes. Our group page has been safe because she’s the only one in the group with a kid. I explained that I was sure she wasn’t aware of how painful it was but that I wanted to let her know. Well she tore me a new one for that.  From what I can tell she thought I was telling her she wasn’t being a good friend throughout this infertility journey and that I thought her millions of posts about her kid and mommyhood were jabs at me. WTF?! And I realized that this friendship isn’t worth it. It served a very important purpose, she really has supported me a lot and I now have two amazing friends I met through her, but that I don’t owe her my friendship. I no longer feel bad about the situation because I think I’m just done.

As far as my sister goes, I can’t change her. She is the same kind of person as the friend I’m letting go of, but this is my little sister. I have decided that I can now accept that we’ll never be best friends, but we can love each other and be in each other’s lives from a distance. I have accepted who she is and hopefully we can heal our broken relationship.

So that’s where I’m at. Plus reading about child abuse all day every goddamn day at work. And you know what? I’m happy.

18 thoughts on “Warning…long and hard coming your way…

  1. Ooooh, can you please post more about the foster adopt thing as you get more info? We were planning on going the domestic newborn adoption route in March but the more I hear about foster-adopt the more I lean towards it. I want to be a mom so bad and it seems like the foster adopt way gets you to mommyhood faster. I’m just worried about the possibility of fostering a baby/toddler and then having her/him taken away.

    I’m glad you’re happy! Life is too short to waste it on bad relationships!

    • You’re right! It really is too short!! And I will definitely keep you updated. It’s kinda of a complicated and long process, but much less expensive and probably shorter than going the private route. And it’s especially faster if you take sibling groups. But I’ll let you guys know. 🙂

  2. Wonderful news! Am thrilled for you. Sometimes all we need is that little plan and we can feel so much better! However you get there you are going to be a brilliant mom and your lucky child is winging her/his way to you soon. I am super excited for you, next year is your year.

  3. That’s what she said.

    Sorry, I couldn’t resist.

    Totally don’t blame you for dropping that friendship – you don’t need those kind of people in your life. Go swimmers go!!

  4. Sounds like you are heading in the right direction! I’m excited for you that things are moving forward on this journey to become a mom. I think you’re making the right move on the friendship as well – no need to surround yourself with people who are going to bring you down AND not even care when they’re hurting you. Good luck with this cycle!

    • Yeah that was the big thing. Not only did she not care, but later she posted something on a mutual friends page that was really rude and hurtful and an actual jab at me. Soooo glad I have you ladies!!!!

  5. Sounds like we’re in about the same place. It’s amazing how much relief you feel when you decide on a cut off date to move on to adoption. I felt like the weight of the world was lifted off of me, and I couldn’t help but be really excited because one day in the next year or so, we ARE going to be mommies!

  6. Good for you for knowing when to cut your losses. Your friend sounds much like my sis, which makes a real, honest relationship difficult, and I’m glad you’re trying to surround yourself with only healthy relationships. And I’m so happy you’re feeling happy. What more can you ask for (except a BFP), when going through this journey? I love your plan going forward, but I really pray you won’t have to think about it for a long. Hoping, hoping, hoping for you!

  7. It makes me so happy that you are happy!! Seriously. It really does! And I’m beyond happy to follow your journey to motherhood regardless how how you get there. Cheers to you lady!

  8. Man, reevaluating friendships is tough, but it’s also SO important. Not everyone needs to be a forever friend and we need to guard ourselves and our hearts, especially during times like these. Good for you for taking care of yourself in that regard!

  9. I’m so glad you are happy. I really hope this is it and your holiday wish comes true. When we were going through our 3rd IVF we talked about adoption a lot, and like you it gave me so much peace. Even if this baby makes it to my arms, we are still going to adopt with in the year. It just makes sense. You are in such a good place and I believe that does make a difference not in the out come, but how you handle the outcome. I let go of my best friend of 8 years. It sucked and it was painful, but it had to be done. I’m in a much better place because of it. I think you did the right thing in letting go of your friend…props to you!!! And that you are going to work on your relationship with your sister, she’s family and she will always be there.

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