…an update that is!!!! 😉 🙂
My CD11 U/S showed one giant follie and 4 smaller ones. I triggered that night and today was O-Day! Luckily we planned the shot so that I would O later in the day and sure enough, exactly 40hrs later at 2:30pm, horrible pain hit. I got through it and then at about 4pm I started getting some slight pain on the other side and then general cramping in the middle of my lower abdomen. What’s weird is that I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. It was exciting to be in so much pain because I knew that my egg would be meeting a gajillion of Hubster’s swimmers. We successfully BDed three times in the last 4 days! And while we planned to get one last sesh in tonight, I really don’t think it’s worth the pain at this point in my cycle. So I’m really hopeful, you guys. But the funny thing is that I think I will be just as okay with Lady Red’s arrival this month (should that happen) as I was last month. Heck, I even want to decorate my house because what if we get our miracle this month?! I want to remember a home filled with holiday cheer. And I expect that even if I don’t get pregnant, I’ll be ok.
And that’s because we talked the other night and have decided if I don’t get pregnant before next summer we’ll start looking into the foster-adopt option. I want to be a mom and I want to be a mom so bad that the idea of adopting is actually as exciting as the thought of giving birth!! So I know that next Christmas will be much different. We’ll either have a baby, be expecting, or be in the process of adopting. And if we adopt, that won’t be the end. We’ll continue trying but will have a baby while my body has time to recover from this last year of drugs and miscarriage. It’s amazing how looking into other options to becoming a mom brings so much peace. 🙂
Along with the peace of knowing motherhood is impending, came a hard look at the people in my life. See, infertility really tests every relationship you have. Whether it is your romantic partnership, family members or friendships, all will be tested. Some will fail and others will thrive. And for me I have decided to close the chapter on a relatively new friendship (a little less than 4 years) and adjust my expectations for my relationship with my sister.
The friendship I’m talking about has been full of tension and unease since the beginning. I just don’t deal well with people who are self-righteous and always need to be right and she is that type of person. Those people need people who can just brush it off with an eye-roll and avoid topics that will bring conflict, but that’s not me. The most recent issue came because I finally told her (very gently) that her going on about how exciting Halloween was because it’s all about her son and posting pics of their costume-shopping trip in our friends’ FB group page was too much for me. She’s the only person whose FB posts are now hidden from my newsfeed because of how many baby/mommyhood posts she writes. Our group page has been safe because she’s the only one in the group with a kid. I explained that I was sure she wasn’t aware of how painful it was but that I wanted to let her know. Well she tore me a new one for that. From what I can tell she thought I was telling her she wasn’t being a good friend throughout this infertility journey and that I thought her millions of posts about her kid and mommyhood were jabs at me. WTF?! And I realized that this friendship isn’t worth it. It served a very important purpose, she really has supported me a lot and I now have two amazing friends I met through her, but that I don’t owe her my friendship. I no longer feel bad about the situation because I think I’m just done.
As far as my sister goes, I can’t change her. She is the same kind of person as the friend I’m letting go of, but this is my little sister. I have decided that I can now accept that we’ll never be best friends, but we can love each other and be in each other’s lives from a distance. I have accepted who she is and hopefully we can heal our broken relationship.
So that’s where I’m at. Plus reading about child abuse all day every goddamn day at work. And you know what? I’m happy.