A daily reminder of my baby that wasn’t meant to be

I’ve been keeping a pretty positive attitude this cycle. It’s partly due to my fabulous new job that I love. Yes, reading police/CPS reports about child abuse everyday as an Infertile BLOWS, but overall I really love it. I have even befriended the giant pregnant lady. It helps to know she’s in her late 30s and actively tried for her baby. I don’t know anymore than that,  but it helps to know she didn’t accidentally get knocked up at age 22. Anyway I have even been OK with being in the convos about her pregnancy and everyone’s stories about giving birth. By some miracle, my heart and sanity has been left completely intact during those talks. But I found my breaking point. I have never asked her due date, which is odd. Everyone (me included) always asks that question. Well 3 weeks after I started my dream job I now feel like I can’t go back.

A coworker asked her when she is due and she said March 8th. Fuck. Knife to the heart. If my first pregnancy had continued, I would have been due March 2nd. So now I will have a daily reminder of what my body should have looked like right now. I have a daily reminder of what I should be feeling and complaining about. I have a daily reminder of all the things I should be worrying about and doing to prepare for the arrival of a baby. As if that’s not bad enough, I have to throw a baby shower for her when I should have been attending my own. Fuck.

I will get pregnant with my take-home baby this month right? Haven’t I earned it?!?

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21 thoughts on “A daily reminder of my baby that wasn’t meant to be

  1. Oh I’m so sorry. I have two friends due within two weeks of when I would have been due had Pip stuck around. It’s hard, hard, hard. And you WILL get your take home baby. I have no doubt about that. It just sucks that it takes us so damned long. (As an aside, our tickets are finally booked for Cali! We are working out rental car deets and then I’ll email you and we’ll plan an adventure!)

  2. Oh, sweetie, I so get this. I have one friend who was due exactly a week before I was on Dec 6. She had her baby just one day late and now, every time I see photos of her little guy on FB, I can’t help but think of our own Baby Who Almost Was. It totally sucks. I’m sorry. But I DO believe you will have your own take-home baby one day, and I so, so, so hope this cycle is the start of it!

  3. So sorry, sweetie! Something similar happened after my first miscarriage. Reminders of the Almost Baby are devastating. Hugs, friend!

  4. My boy would have been due March 2nd as well. I’m sorry you have to have that constant reminder around you, I can’t imagine how hard that would be.

  5. Ugh, that just blows. A friend of mine just announced her pregnancy and she is due exactly one week before I would have been due. I had to block her on FB. I just couldn’t take the reminders, so I totally get what you are going through. Big e-hugs to ya and text me if you need to rant at any point during the day 🙂 What CD are you on? I’m getting excited!!!

  6. It’s always a sucky reminder when you know someone who is due when you were due. My sister and I shared the same due date with my 3rd, and my best friend with my 4th. It’s so hard, I know that pain and I’m so sorry. Working with pregnant women is very very hard when you yourself are trying your hardest to achieve it. YOU DO deserve it so much, I really hope this is it!!!!

  7. I’m so sorry. That sucks SO much. You are doing such a great job trying to be supportive and friendly, and then to find out she’s due so close… 😦 I’ve been there. It was so difficult to watch the pregnancies of people due near when my first baby was due progress without complication. It’s such a painful reminder of what could and should have been.
    I hope that you can find peace in this situation. ❤

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