Pregnancy, that is.
I’ve been staying away from my blog and distracting the hell out of myself because this was a hard month. This was our last month of trying. And we had to put off the adoption process. How do you wrap your head around the pressure of your last month? I know it’s probably not for forever, but it might be. So I had a lot of anxiety as soon as my tww was half over.
Then last week, at 9 dpo and 11 dpt, I got a fairly dark positive. Queue shock, excitement and anxiety. Then the line started fading. Queue flashbacks from June. So on Friday, at 12 dpo, I got a blood test done.
All day Friday and all weekend I went from feeling excited to anxious, back to excited and (of course) back to anxious. I read 3 or 4 crappy romance novels to keep the anxiety and excitement at bay.
TODAY my clinic finally called back with the number I was dreading:
Another pregnancy come and gone.
This time is really hard because of many reasons, but mostly because I felt more pregnant. But since I’ve been down this road, I was also expecting this. I’m almost praying there’s an empty sac in there so I can have it tested. I can’t keep going through this if something is really wrong with me.
My next step is to go in for an u/s when my period starts just to see what’s going on. We won’t be doing any more treatments for at least around 4 months, whenever my husband finds out if he will be accepted into the academy for the law enforcement agent he’s applying for. If he does get in, it’ll be over a year until we start trying again.
Now that I’ve cried and somewhat gathered my wits, I’ve emailed my doctor’s coordinator with these questions:
1. Can I come in earlier for an ultrasound instead of waiting for my period, since I don’t want medication this cycle?
2. Could this keep happening because of a clotting issue? Or does the fact that the empty sac stayed put through two cycles mean it’s probably not that?
3. Can we do any testing to figure out what’s going on?
I really really wish my original RE hadn’t left us. I want him here to help us with this.