Another one bites the dust

Pregnancy, that is.

Damn.

I’ve been staying away from my blog and distracting the hell out of myself because this was a hard month. This was our last month of trying. And we had to put off the adoption process. How do you wrap your head around the pressure of your last month? I know it’s probably not for forever, but it might be. So I had a lot of anxiety as soon as my tww was half over.

Then last week, at 9 dpo and 11 dpt, I got a fairly dark positive. Queue shock, excitement and anxiety. Then the line started fading. Queue flashbacks from June. So on Friday, at 12 dpo, I got a blood test done.

All day Friday and all weekend I went from feeling excited to anxious, back to excited and (of course) back to anxious. I read 3 or 4 crappy romance novels to keep the anxiety and excitement at bay.

TODAY my clinic finally called back with the number I was dreading:

3.7.

Another pregnancy come and gone.

This time is really hard because of many reasons, but mostly because I felt more pregnant. But since I’ve been down this road, I was also expecting this. I’m almost praying there’s an empty sac in there so I can have it tested. I can’t keep going through this if something is really wrong with me.

My next step is to go in for an u/s when my period starts just to see what’s going on. We won’t be doing any more treatments for at least around 4 months, whenever my husband finds out if he will be accepted into the academy for the law enforcement agent he’s applying for. If he does get in, it’ll be over a year until we start trying again.

Now that I’ve cried and somewhat gathered my wits, I’ve emailed my doctor’s coordinator with these questions:

1. Can I come in earlier for an ultrasound instead of waiting for my period, since I don’t want medication this cycle?

2. Could this keep happening because of a clotting issue? Or does the fact that the empty sac stayed put through two cycles mean it’s probably not that?

3. Can we do any testing to figure out what’s going on?

I really really wish my original RE hadn’t left us. I want him here to help us with this.

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16 thoughts on “Another one bites the dust

  1. Oh, sweetie. My heart breaks for you. I’m so, so sorry you’re facing this again. It’s not fair. I just really hope you can get some answers, find some peace, and make the right decision of where to go from here. Many, many hugs to you.

  2. This sucks, friend. I am so very sorry. I hope that your clinic responds with some appropriate testing to rule out any of the usual suspects in RPL. Sending light and love.

  3. Shit. I’m so sorry you are navigating these tough waters. We too are giving up trying to get pregnant for now and are turning to adoption. I wish you weren’t in this situation but you are not alone! Anytime you want to talk contact me. Sending you so much love!

  4. I am so sorry that you’re going through this now. Again. I am on CD1 today after my first chemical pregnancy and it’s impossibly hard, much harder than I ever imagined. It’s amazing the kind of emotions and plans and hopes that we can create in just a few short days (or even hours) and how much it hurts when those hopes are dashed. I really hope that you can get in to see your doctor earlier and that they can run some tests to figure out if anything is wrong. Hopefully it’s just terribly bad luck and you can try again (whenever you are ready) without *as much* worry. 😦 I’ll be thinking of you and sending you good thoughts.

  5. I really wish I knew of something to make this all easier for you or to take the pain and heart ache away but sadly there is so little that will help right now. I feel so terrible on your behalf and I really hope that you at least get some answers from your ultrasound. Sending you lots of love and huge cyber hugs.

  6. I’m so sorry about the hell you have gone through and now this! I hope your doctor is able to at least see you early so you can get some answers. Since this happened early again, do you think it is an issue with you progesterone falling?

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