When I’m reeeeeally bothered by something I avoid my feelings. It’s how I cope when I’m not ready to deal. This is also what I’ve learned to do to fend off depression. Not sure it’s healthy, but it works.
Anyway, I avoided this space when I found out I again did not get pregnant with a healthy embryo. It was devastating and scary. But I was hoping I would at least get answers.
So I got into the stirrups and told the new doctor we weren’t going to do another cycle right now. I just want to focus on figuring out how to stay pregnant.
She looked at me and said, “you’ve never gotten pregnant.” I was sputtering from shock and she said “your HCG was below 5 both times so you were never pregnant.” Then she matter of factly told me the empty sac was actually probably just a blood clot. Wtf?!?
So, needless to say, I’m feeling completely out of sorts. I don’t know what’s what anymore and a mess. Oh and she saw “something” still in my uterus so I have a saline histogram scheduled to see what it is.
And I just feel left behind here. So many of you are pregnant or staying the adoption process and I’m here training for a marathon while Hubster pursues a career in law enforcement. All you mommas and soon-to-be-mommas have so much to be excited about so don’t feel bad, please! It’s just hard being one of the very few that still don’t have a child. And I’m not even able to do anything about it right now.
PS- I’m never seeing this new doctor again and I’m checking out other clinics.