I have avoidance issues

When I’m reeeeeally bothered by something I avoid my feelings. It’s how I cope when I’m not ready to deal. This is also what I’ve learned to do to fend off depression. Not sure it’s healthy, but it works.

Anyway, I avoided this space when I found out I again did not get pregnant with a healthy embryo. It was devastating and scary. But I was hoping I would at least get answers.

So I got into the stirrups and told the new doctor we weren’t going to do another cycle right now. I just want to focus on figuring out how to stay pregnant.

She looked at me and said, “you’ve never gotten pregnant.” I was sputtering from shock and she said “your HCG was below 5 both times so you were never pregnant.” Then she matter of factly told me the empty sac was actually probably just a blood clot. Wtf?!?

So, needless to say, I’m feeling completely out of sorts. I don’t know what’s what anymore and a mess. Oh and she saw “something” still in my uterus so I have a saline histogram scheduled to see what it is.

And I just feel left behind here. So many of you are pregnant or staying the adoption process and I’m here training for a marathon while Hubster pursues a career in law enforcement. All you mommas and soon-to-be-mommas have so much to be excited about so don’t feel bad, please! It’s just hard being one of the very few that still don’t have a child. And I’m not even able to do anything about it right now.

Le sigh.

PS- I’m never seeing this new doctor again and I’m checking out other clinics.

11 thoughts on “I have avoidance issues

  1. I am still childless too, your are far from alone i promise everyday i see new blogs start with people who are in the same boat. I do very much understand where you are coming from though i am seeing all the moms and soon-to-be moms posting and it does hurt a bit. We are strong though and there will come a day for us. You are strong- we are strong and we will not give up on ourselves.

  2. Thank God. That doctor can kiss all of our asses. You don’t spontaneously produce hCG. Perhaps at the moment of testing your levels weren’t greater than 5 but you weren’t going to get a positive with a level less than five. Ever. I hope you can find a doctor that is receptive to your concerns. Blood clot? WTFever. I’m enraged and indignant for you.

  3. I dont know how you managed not to hit that doctor! I honestly prefer male doctors, they tend to be a little more sympathetic (in my experience, it could be different for other woman). The last female doctor I went to left me hanging with “Its nothing to worry about” when she diagnosed me with PCOS and if I hadnt left her, I would still be battling today. Im glad your looking into someone else.

  4. That doctor was insensitive and ridiculous and deserves to be dumped. I’m so sorry, sweetie! But know you are not alone. You are NOT alone. Keep reaching out, and so many hands will extend back to hold yours. ~ hugs ~

  5. I’m sorry sweetie, but I was honestly curious about that. When my blood level came back at 4 the other day the doctor told me that was a non-pregnant range. They said anything less than 5 is negative. Regardless you need to move on to a new doctor. This was so unprofessional of her it is ridiculous. I’m just so sorry that you feel so lost and alone right. Please know you are in my thoughts!

  6. Another trench dweller. You are not alone sweets. That was an asshatty thing your doctor said. I hope you get some answers soon so you can move forward towards something positive.

  7. What a B!!! Glad you’re dropping her like a bad habit. Geez!

    You know I’m still down here with you, girl. Hang in.

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