How do I even START to catch up?

I have like 3 posts started, but since I never finished them they just sat on my computer. Now, almost a full month after my last post, it feels too overwhelming to do a proper catch-up. So I’ll keep it short and sweet and soon post my previous (read “detailed”) catch-ups.

I’m frustrated today.

I’m benched from babymaking. When 3 friends are newly in their 2nd trimesters. 

I’m benched from vaginal intercourse. When I am the horniest I’ve been in 3 months.

I’m benched from goddamned running. When today should have been my 2nd half marathon ever, so I was excited to PR this one freaking race.

One and a half weeks ago I was on a 6-mile run when the dreaded shin splints came on. At mile effing TWO. I was struggling that run with pains in both my legs, but just kept telling myself it’ll get better as I run more since that’s usually what happens when I get these pains early on. But when my shin started hurting a little more, I got nervous. I kept telling myself I’m being paranoid (because an achy shin always terrifies me and I haven’t actually had shin splints since freshman year of high school) and to go a little further. And a little further. Luckily I came to a busy intersection and knew I should just stop running and wait patiently to give my leg a chance to relax. So instead of running in place like I always do, I just stopped. And I took the time to stretch. When the “walk” signal came on I stepped off the curb and almost fell off. Ladies, I was in so much pain I could barely limp. I always always push myself too far because I feel every little twinge my body makes and know that I’m sort of a hypochondriac. So I suck it up and go. This time I went too far. And had I not encountered this stop light, I would have reeeally effed up my leg. Also, I luckily made the choice to change up my route and include some loops. This meant that even though I had run 2 miles, I was only about 0.65 miles from home and limped all the way back.

I’ve been taking care of my shin (icing, stretching and strengthening) and resisting the urge to “test run” it but I will attempt a short run on a dirt track on Tuesday since it’ll be two weeks since my injury. I’m also going shopping for new shoes. Hopefully that will do the trick! 

It’s funny how people have so much grieving to do in one lifetime. I’ve had to grieve the loss of family pets, 3 actual family members, fertility, possibly the bio kids thing and now marathon training. And as weird as it sounds, a running injury really does cause you to go through every single stage of the grieving process. Now that I’ve started doing my miles on an elliptical trainer, I’ve been able to reach acceptance and I’m grateful for that. But, damn, I still wish I could run. Just like I wish I could be working on the babymaking again.

But I’ll save the rest for another post. Now it’s time to get geared up for 13 miles on the boring elliptical. 

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8 thoughts on “How do I even START to catch up?

  1. Being benched sucks the big one!! I’m so sorry to hear this. I know the frustration of needing to bench yourself due to a running injury. Don’t know if you’ve already tried this, but have you looked into getting your feet fitted for inserts? I went to a podiatrist for mine (they were even covered by insurance!) and I have been running pain free ever since.

      • A foot doc will mold inserts especially to your feet. They’re a must for distance running, and hard core training as they help to calibrate your body and keep you aligned for the long haul.

  2. Oh I’m so sorry, sweetie! I had such horrible shin splints one year. Nothing worked to get them to stop hurting until I got new shoes and special inserts. Like Sunny said, a trip to the podiatrist can work wonders!

  3. I’m so sorry about everything, love! So sorry. And you’re right — no one should ever have to do that much grieving. It’s just not fair, and certainly not easy. Holding hope in my heart for you that it can only get better from here!

  4. It was so lovely to see you on my reader again 🙂 But then I was so sorry to read about all of your struggles. I hate that you are dealing with all of this, friend. It sounds like one big stinky pile of suck, and I hope and pray that things look up soon. Feel free to email me if you need anything.

  5. I’m so sorry that you are benched from fun things like sex and running. I had AWFUL shin splints in high school. I hope that you are back in the saddle for all of these activities soon!

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