It’s almost time you guys! In 1 day, 18 hours, 16 minutes and 15 seconds, I will start the first full marathon (of hopefully many!) I have ever attempted. The last 18 weeks I have trained hard, slacked off, felt amazing, been hurt and have achieved many amazing things.
Not only have I run further than I have ever run before, but I have come to a place of acceptance with my infertility journey. It still hurts to be bump and childless, every announcement and sonogram picture feels like a punch to my gut and Mather’s Day still left me feeling both neglected and misunderstood by most people. But I’m okay you guys. I know that we will have our family complete one day and even though I have no clue what that will look like, Hubster and I will be more than okay. We will be happy. We have been happy for the most part as we took time off of trying in February, March and April. We let ourselves live and practiced not planning our lives around a pregnancy or baby.
I have let go of the toxic friendship I ended last Fall and as of the last 4 days there has been no more drama. WOO! Just because a person is good and sees the good in me doesn’t mean we have to be friends. Just like I tried to force previous intimate relationships because they were with good people, this woman and I tried to force a friendship that really wasn’t meant to be. I’m happier and it’s a relief not to have her in my life. I hope one day she can accept that and feel the same. And FYI – Mother’s Day is NOT the day to try and reach out (again!) when you’re an Uber Fertile. She’s actually the reason I started having a hard time with Mother’s Day this year but I’m not letting that bother me anymore. She gets to feel good about her (self-centered) self because sent me a “helpful” (link to a blog post about infertiles and Mother’s Day and I made it through the day with only one incident of unshed tears. **Please note – I’m really not an ungrateful bitch. I got lots of messages of support from family, friends, old coworkers/aquaintances (on FB) who are fertiles and I appreciated every.single.one. But anything “nice” from that ex-friend usually has an agenda behind it and since she thinks my infertility is what killed our friendship, I wanted to scream at her: “I DON’T NEED YOUR EFFING HELP. I’VE GOT MY BLOGGING COMMUNITY, B!” But I have another blog post already written up that will explain more also so I’ll save the rest of my rant for another day.**
Even though I watched while my MIL, Aunt-in-law, Grandmother-in-law and SIL all took a “Mothers” picture together, I was pretty much okay. Yep, that was the incident that made me tear up that day. But I was okay enough to not run to the bathroom to cry or vom. YAY lol. Look at all this progress!
As far as running goes, I have learned to face my fears and JUST DO IT. In the last 18 weeks I have put up some big miles y’all! Before this, the furthest I ever ran nonstop was in half-marathon training when I ran 10 miles. This time I have run 10, 11, 12, 13 and 14 miles nonstop. And I’ve run 16, 18 and 20 miles with short breaks. In training for one marathon, I have ended up running 5 half marathons! I know I can do this on Sunday, but oh man I am nervous. Not to mention I will be 13dpo on race day the first month we started semi-trying!
Nerves, excitement and hormones make for a very moody Stork Chaser the last two weeks. I don’t know how Hubster puts up with me! So today I decided to stay home, start getting the house clean for our two-night race getaway and chill.the.fuck.out.
Ok let’s talk about the plan since I will leave you all hanging until Sunday or Monday. Today I clean and rest up. Tonight I get a full 10 hours of sleep. Tomorrow morning we leave at 11:00 am to drive the 2.5hrs to Santa Cruz (Northern California’s Surf City. Yes, I am a huge lover of Huntington Beach so I’m not taking their title of Surf City! #californiaproblems lol) and check into our hotel. Then we meet up with a couple of friends who are also signed up for the race and walk down to the beach for packet pick up and race expo. 🙂 We’ll probably check out the vendors and hang out on the beach for a bit and then head to a high-carb dinner. Yay! It’ll be an early evening since I’ll need quite a bit of time to wind down before falling asleep. I’m pretty sure the anticipation and nerves will make it hard for me to fall asleep that night. Race day I wake at 5:30, eat a banana and peanut butter toast, shower, dress and head out the starting line.
During the race I am planning to walk for 10 seconds and sip water at every water station since this is my first time and I’m planning a very conservative run. Also I’ll bring 10 oz of water, 10 oz of Coca Cola, 3 Werther’s Originals to suck on while I run and an extra tampon. Just in case I start flowing during my race. FML. During training I have learned that Gu (or any energy gel), sports drinks and pre-workout shakes send me to the bathroom within 6 miles. Again, FML. We’ve all seen this picture before:
What?! You haven’t?!? Oh pardon the surprise gross out!
Anyway, we don’t want that to be me. So I’m getting the carbs I need through good old sugar. Hubster will meet me at two points along the way (somewhere around 14-16 miles and 21-23 miles) to hand off a 1/4 of a PB&J on thin bread and more water/soda/candies/tamies as needed. The plan is for us to put a
stalker tracker app on my phone so he can find me easier. As if my hot pink hat and running pants won’t be enough lol! And hopefully I’ll sail to the finish line in 4.5 hours injury free and before the roads are opened back up lol.
Afterwards I’ll do the ice bath thing for 8-10 mins, warm up in the bed some, head down to the spa and soak in hot water for 15 mins and then take a short nap. Then we’ll meet up with friends for an early dinner and we’ll see how I feel from there.
Thanks for all your support and I’ll leave you with the picture I have as my phone’s wallpaper