Hubster and I were fortunate enough to have my nephew stay with us for a week. We had so much fun with such a sharp and funny little kid. But to be honest, I think we kind of used this time to practice parenthood. We set limits on his Kindle/TV time, ate balanced meals at the dinner table, invoked dinner table rules (no TV, petting the dogs or leaving until everyone wad finished eating) and backed each other up when he tried to get different answers out of us. We planned fun activities and play dates with my friend’s kids and felt really good about being parents in the future.
Then the day we were handing him off to my parents, reality hit us. We’re not even remotely close to being parents. And our house would soon be empty-ish and quiet-ish again. And that was sad. For me and for Hubster. He even broke down and cried a little bit. That killed me. It made me dread next summers visit from my nephew.
This man needs to be a daddy. And he deserves to be one. I need to be a mommy. I don’t understand how God can lay the desire to be parents so heavy on our hearts and not give it to us. I can sort of understand how trials can be given to us to strengthen us, but not this. This is different. Yet somehow I have faith in God’s timing and prayed the other night about it. I don’t understand it but now I have some peace about it.
And then I got the gnarliest of all bladder infections yesterday. Right before attending a funeral for one of my husband’s relatives. So I went and suffered through the funeral only to rush home and sit on the toilet guzzling water for about 25 mins. Finally I got up and was able to go 10 mins without feeling the need to pee. I drank more water and was driving to my doctor appointment when I realized that I had gone 20 mins without any urgency to pee and canceled my appointment. I had time to buy cranberry juice and pills before racing to the restaurant for the memorial luncheon. I ate for a few minutes before I lost my appetite. That was my first clue something was off. But two hours later I only made two trips to the bathroom and we headed home.
Omg. As soon as we got home things went horribly downhill. I was freezing but my temperature was higher than normal and was totally lethargic. I got into bed and Hubster went off to the pharmacy to pick up antibiotics my doctor sent. When I woke up I had a low-grade fever and blood in my urine. I took my antibiotic and settled myself on the couch to drink more water, cranberry juice and snack. Then I started getting a stabbing pain near my right ovary and remembered waking up with that pain. So not only do we not get to have sexytime right before I’m scheduled to ovulate, but now I’m worried about a cyst or endo on my ovary.
Luckily when I woke up today I felt better. Still have some pain around peeing, but better physically and emotionally. I have my appointment for an ultrasound on Tuesday to check things out (I have a new wonderful gyno and am still not going to an RE yet) and even though we didn’t get sexytime in yesterday, we did twice this week. I know my white blood cells are probably going crazy so we won’t get pregnant, but just the fact that we’re back on the TTC Bullet Train makes me feel better about everything. I’m thinking positively and believing again.
The peace is still there, but I’m still feeling very bittersweet about my nephew’s stay. Which I’m a little resentful about.