From now on I don’t think I need to know about these chemicals. Hell, doctors don’t even count these as true pregnancies do nothing will ever come from knowing right?

So I guess I’ll wait until my period is a week late to test from now on.

Hubster and I are devastated, but we’re trying to be positive. I mean I ovulated without Clomid or the trigger shot. And one of his swimmers danced with that egg. Without medical interventions. So I’m going to continue with positive visualization & belief. And Hubster will continue to be blindly optimistic lol.

After 2 1/2 years we thought we had our miracle. But it’s not our time yet. It sucks and we wish it were but I can’t get lost in the unfairness. We cried, we yelled and we held each other. We snuggled with our furbabies and we pigged out on homemade carne asada fries. Hubster worked out and I watched reruns of The Good Wife.

As difficult and painful of a situation this is, somehow we decide to survive. And we do. Together. We’re blessed that way. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the reason we don’t get our baby. Because who gets their real Prince Charming AND their take-home baby?!? Oh, that’s right. All of you. And we will too. We have to believe that.

11 thoughts on “4.4

  1. I somehow missed your last two posts and my heart breaks for you as I read it all now. I’m so sorry, darling. So very sorry. I wish there was more I could say or do. I’m just praying for strength and peace for you in the days to come. And for record…I still believe in miracles and I still believe you will have yours. xo

  2. Just getting caught up on some posts and want to say I’m so sorry. It broke my heart when you said that “after 2 1/2 years we thought we had our miracle.” Been there. So devastating.

    I’m proud of you though for wanting to keep that positive attitude. It does make a difference in the long run.

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