I’m feeling good today. I took 2 days off of work and spent yesterday alone. Alone with my thoughts. Alone with my TV. Alone with Candy Crush. Ha! I got some tears out and went through really numb periods. But I went to sleep with less pain in my heart and turmoil in my head.
Today Hubster stayed home with me and we spent some great time together. We slept in and snuggled reeeeally late – 10:30! – and then we went to breakfast. Well, more like lunch, but they have the best pancakes in town and they didn’t disappoint. We relaxed afterwards and then went off to acupuncture.
My acupuncturist is great. I brag about him all the time, but it still doesn’t give him the credit he deserves. Not only do his needles work magic and he includes mini therapy sessions during the session, but he’s SO cheap! Community acupuncture clinics aren’t completely confidential because everyone gets treatment in a room together, but it works and have I mentioned how cheap it is?!?
Anyway, I haven’t been since February which was dumb. Even if I wasn’t doing fertility treatments, the needles really help with my running injury issues. So my amazing acupuncturist could have helped me with my ITB earlier. Ugh. But he helped with that today as well as cleaning me out from the chemical and thick lining.
AND he reassured me. He reminded me that chemicals probably happen to everyone and that if I wasn’t TTC, I would have no idea they happened. So it’s not just me. It’s not a sign that I’ll never have a pregnancy stick. It doesn’t mean I won’t ever have kids. Doi! But sometimes I just need to hear it from a “health care professional.”
As soon as the needles were in I closed my eyes and I envisioned a child. A little girl who looked like me (because I have no idea what our children will look like) in a cute little 4th of July sundress for her birthday. I’ve always wanted my children to be born close to a fun holiday so they could have fun birthdays. My guess is because mine is so close to Christmas I rarely got fun birthdays, but it’s a fun idea. So as I envisioned this little girl at her super fun birthday party, I smiled. And then I almost LOLed because I was laying back smiling with my eyes closed in a room full of people.
Then there was peace.
We will do all in our control to make a baby.
And we will have our baby.