Yes, I just said that. I know for those of us still in the Infertility Trenches-some deeper than others-the Holidays are a really heartbreaking time. My heartbreak started yesterday with another BFN.
AF is due tomorrow, Christmas Day. That puts me at 14dpo and I usually start between 14-16dpo. Because of all the hardship and disappointment Hubster and I have faced in the last several months (foregoing my 2nd marathon due to injury, the screeching halt to Hubster’s exciting career change due to TTC, my awful new management and my hanging in limbo for over a month about a possible great new job opportunity) and the timing of my current cycle, we have been hoping for (Hubster has been banking on) a Christmas BFP. Sadly, I’m thinking that’s not going to happen. So yesterday I was cranky, irritable and just plain sad. Another Christmas with no baby in sight. This makes 3, people! Grrrr.
But today I’m OK. I am focusing on the joy this season brings. That’s the only thing that allows me to be OK. No I’m not a saint, because I’m actually quite jealous and bitter that Mary got a baby without even having sex! But seeing how happy people that I love are, being reminded of how blessed I am, looking forward to family time (bumps, babies and all!) and starting half marathon training today help me to actually feel happy during this time. And I want all of you to feel that way.
So I’m wishing all of you at least a little bit of joy this holiday season. For those of you who are still down in the trenches with me, find something that brings you happiness and do that. Take care of you! Don’t worry about other people right now, just focus on whatever brings you joy. You effing deserve it!
For those of you who have been blessed with bumps/babies this season, enjoy your blessings! I’m sending you lots of love and squeeze your babes/rub your bellies from Auntie DogMom!
So Happy Holidays to all of you!