Uuuugh it happened again. The first time I’ve had a massive breakdown in several months. Um maybe in over a year? But I’m ok with it. I needed it. And it probably won’t happen again for quite awhile.
In the last month my friend has given birth to her first child and my SIL has given birth to her 2nd. I started back on Clomid and it was a failed cycle. Oh and I spent the weekend with my family while Hubster stayed home – which meant lots of questions about our family-building journey (on CD2) that I just wasn’t in a good place to answer. Plus arriving home yesterday afternoon after a 7-hr drive not to the welcoming arms and hot shower I desperately needed, but to a frantic husband trying to finish tidying the house and wet dog hair all over my bathroom (including my shower).
So I completely lost it.
I am talking lost.my.shit. completely. yesterday evening.
But Hubster and I got through it and I pulled myself together enough to go to the hospital and snuggle my not-yet-24hours-old nephew. It was heaven until I got that question:
It hurt so bad, are you sure you want to go through that?
YES!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG A MILLION TRILLION TIMES YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS!
I know childbirth can be traumatic, but why do people insist on asking that question?!? If I didn’t love this woman so much, I probably would have used a snippy tone while replying, “like you would give back your amazing children to never have gone through that?!?”
Instead, I simply stated that yes, I really do.
So we went home earlier than planned, I introduced my husband to Footloose and we went to sleep.
I got the tears out that have been building for months so while I’m not good, I’m better. Today I’m not going to ask “why?!?” Instead, I’m going to feel my sadness, while giving thanks for all of the blessings I do have and for God’s perfect timing, do what I need to do to feel better and then snuggle both of their boys.
Tomorrow is my yoga class. I just have to make it to tomorrow evening…