I just don’t know what to do. About anything these days. I don’t know what direction I want to take our journey to parenthood. I don’t know how much I should continue to give of myself to my friends. I don’t know where I should focus my work energy. I don’t know if I should continue running.
I’m at a complete and utter loss.
All I know is I’m extremely emotional right now and feel so godamned alone as I come to terms with what is most likely another failed cycle. Period is due Monday so I guess I need to deal with it now, instead of waiting and becoming an uber bitch at work.
Even Hubster let me down. He gave me a 2-second half-hug when I broke down this evening. You know, the kind with one arm and feel more of their side than their chest? Yeah that’s the one I got.
Every single one of my closest friends has kids, is about to start trying or is hoping for an accident with her boyfriend of 4 months. Please can someone just shoot me now? Or kidnap me and drop me at some remote Island? Just saying…
That’s it. My head is throbbing because it won’t let me feel my pain. But there’s nothing I can do. It has shut me down yet again. No music therapy has worked and now there will be no writing therapy. Guess it’s time to pray.