Limbo

Ugh what do I write when I’m not actively trying? And how do I process my feelings when we won’t be trying for another few months? I feel like I’m running through my life trying to enjoy a booming career and childless life. And I am. I’m actually very grateful and happy to have such an exciting and fulfilling career.

But as I run full force at work, I’m merely floating through my emotions. I’m totally not processing them and I think I’m actually afraid of them. I’m avoiding my usual relaxation therapies – running and yoga. Which also means that I’m having a heck of a time losing weight for Vegas!

Yes, Hubster and I are finally taking an exciting vacay in a couple of weeks! Part of the whole “trying to enjoy my childless life” plan right now, I guess. But I think it’s a healthy thing to do! My marriage and sanity need 4 days of us-time. There will be a couple’s massage, pool time, gambling, the Beatles LOVE Show, a hypnotist, lots of food and maybe even clubbing!

So maybe I should deal with my feelings now to fully enjoy Vegas later? Ya think? Ugh ok ok yes. I’ll get right on that. Tomorrow!

Damn, I’m a mess. Ha! But it’ll all be better soon.

I get to sign up for my flexible spending account in a few days, which means setting aside more money to start IVF next year. It’s exciting because it’s something. I hate not doing anything. I just feel so stuck. But it’s time to unstick myself, I guess.

Starting with running and yoga! I know yoga tonight before bed can be done so I’ll start there. Then I’ll sign up for a flex elect account, get my alternate work week started (Hubster has every other Monday off and I’m taking every other Friday off so every week one of us will be home 1 day with our child), continue nesting (spent the weekend reorganizing my kitchen and hallway linen closet) and saving as much money as possible.

I hope all this preparation will be worth it soon. I’m terrified it won’t.

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6 thoughts on “Limbo

  1. I totally get everything you wrote. I find I cycle in and out of phases and starting after my Xmas last year all my circumstances meant I was in prep mode. It’s weird because I think we’re habituated to be always trying but prep mode has it’s own stresses.

  2. I can relate to the in between phase. You aren’t close enough to starting to be stressed out, so you just don’t think about it. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. IVF has such a huge impact in your life that it is nice to have time when you aren’t “in it”. Have fun in Vegas. And good luck.

  3. Try to just enjoy the time with your husband right now! Soon enough your focus will be shifted again to trying-to-start-a-family mode, try to think of the down time as date-your-husband time again. 🙂

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