Worse news after bad news

Yesterday I woke up to an email saying I have test results in my online medical chart. Hooray!
I was obviously a little nervous but just glad to know what the results were. Then I noticed only 2 – estradiol and TSH – were there. I have never been concerned about those 2! Of course the TSH was fine at 0.66, but my estradiol was on the high end of “normal” at 76. Shit.
With that result I kissed my eligibility into the refund program goodbye, but still felt optimistic.
Then I got the other 16 labs back and now I feel so defeated.
My AMH is no longer borderline low. It’s 0.521. I can’t find any chart online where that level is ok.
I know this is good info for my clinic to have so they can adjust my protocol accordingly, but I’m really fucking scared that this means we should skip ivf and go the adoption route.
Do you know how much work and cleaning we’ll have to do to pass a home study?! Ok not really that much but I am terrified some social worker will come into my home and decide it is not fit for a child.
Also I’m terrified of having to come to terms with knowing my body can’t make a baby. And how do you tell somebody that?!
Please tell me we’ll be ok, my clinic will want to do ivf for us and we’ll get pregnant!
*update: how the hell does one mix up TSH and fsh?! I have no idea, but I did. For some reason I read “TSH” as follicle stimulating hormone, not my thyroid! OMG so I didn’t have my gyno order the Day 3 fsh test. And I waited til Day 3 to get all the tests done. I’m an idiot.

19 thoughts on “Worse news after bad news

  1. I think most reputable clinics these days don’t cut people off for low AMH or high FSH counts. Those numbers indicate diminished ovarian reserve but not with certainty. The best predictor of your true DOR state is your antral follicle count and how your respond to stimming meds (i.e. how many of the AFC follicles are recruited).

    I wish you the best of luck!

  2. I had AMH of .6 and IVF worked for me. My sister had .5 and she got pregnant with twins via IVF. I know it is cliche but they only need to find one good egg or two… Keep up the hope!

  3. I don’t know much about AMH except that mine was really high (5.something I think) and I still never had tons of mature eggs at retrieval. I think I had 5 mature eggs both times. So I’m not sure that AMH really matters as much as the antral follicle count. But I am fairly confident that your clinic will still be happy to try IVF for you at least once. I can’t imagine them turning you down!

  4. For what it’s worth, as the husband of someone who was where you are (roughly speaking), I can agree that the decision to move past IUIs and IVF is a big one. And there was a grieving process for both of us once we decided to stop going down that road.

    But for us, the bigger picture – being parents and sharing our lives with a child or children – was ultimately more important than how the kid(s) get here. Now, we’re a little over a year into our wait to adopt. The home study is not scary, so don’t let that be anything you panic about. As long as you can prove that you can provide a safe, clean space for a child – well, that’s the main thing. They don’t come around with white gloves or anything. The paperwork is no fun, but the amount of it is exaggerated somewhat. If you want it, you’ll do it.

    Listening to other people’s stories can be helpful – but sometimes for us it feels like chasing a carrot dangling in front of us. We all have to do what is right for us. That might change, and that’s okay. Good luck, whichever route you choose from here.

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