Taking care of bidness

Hubster and I decided to try out marriage counseling. There were several reasons each of us had, but mostly we are committed to this marriage.
I came to our relationship with a lot of baggage. I had been divorced, had a super short-lived relationship with my father as an adult and a really tumultuous childhood. I say that about my childhood, but it was a really great one considering my mom was a single parent for 15 years. I also learned about my fertility problems in my early 20’s. Anyway, between growing up with daddy-issues and in a world of 2 conflicted cultures (traditional Chinese and American) I met Hubster as an independent, strong, intelligent and sensitive woman who also had known abandonment issues, insecurities about my “womanhood” and the pressure of a failed marriage.

This is a roundabout way of saying I need a lot of affection and compliments. But I also need my freedom and independence. And need perfect proportions around my period. So pretty much, my husband is in a damned-if-you-do-and-damned-if-you-dont situation most of the time.
Although I have become skilled at self-talk and rationalizing, I can’t always be the one to remind myself that he does actually love me.

Hubster comes from a pretty traditional Chinese family. This means affection and compliments don’t exist. Love is simply assumed and shown through practical action. Words are generally spoken to advise and criticize. I mean, how are you going to reach your potential if you aren’t told what you could do better, right?! I know it sounds awful, but one thing I can appreciate is how you can always count on anyone in your family at anytime. For anything.

Hubster loves me and wants to name me happy, but often doesn’t make it a point to meet my needs and I’m learning to be less “needy.” Partly because it’s foreign to him and partly because he just doesn’t.

Marriage is hard.

But yeah. That’s where we’re at.

For now.

We went to our first session today and it was even more productive than I thought an initial session could be. I’m excited! We’re going to incorporate individual sessions into our marriage counseling and I think it’ll be really helpful.

Sitting in our session made me want to make babies with this man even more than when I first woke up this morning. And it solidified my belief that no one else could make me this happy and could be a better match for me.

Keep praying for us and sending good vibes. I’m so grateful for your support.

9 thoughts on “Taking care of bidness

  1. Our RPL journey has landed us in couples counselling, and it has done only good things for us! We have learned a few really good things about each other and how to communicate in ways that are constructive and helpful.
    I hope you and your hubby feel the same way! Wishing you the best!

  2. I wrote a long response to this last night, but as I was about to post, WordPress froze on me and I was too tired to do it over!! Basically just wanted to say that I’m so happy that counseling seems like it will be good for you!! I’ve heard some people say it’s a waste, but I feel like if you really love each other it can only help. Good luck with the rest of your sessions, and hopefully every one will make you fall in love all over again!

  3. I think this sounds like a great idea for you guys! Especially if after only one session you are already thinking that it is going to help.

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