I survived the holidays. Again.

It’s a miracle.

I didn’t think it would happen. This was by far the HARDEST holiday season to date. I couldn’t go more than 15 minutes without an internal pity party and it was killing me. I really love the holidays and have always been able to suck it up enough to have a great time, but not this year.

I was the person that I truly am not. I judged my closest friends and sweet family members. I coldly straight-up ignored people. My heart was bitter and I didn’t care. I felt justified in my selfishness. And while, I completely get that these are normal emotions, I am mortified because they’re just not normal for me. Especially all at once. And especially during the holidays with 2 very loving and supportive families! I haven’t even told my husband how I’ve been feeling. I think part of me is scared that he’ll tell me my awfulness so noticeable.

I really hope this is my last childless holiday season. Please, please God, don’t let me ever feel like this again. I am at the point where I just don’t think I can take anymore.

I mean, I’m better now, but shit got real real this year, if you know what I mean.

So. To all my fellow wanna-be-mommas out there, BIG BIG HUGS! And to all of you who have started your families, merry Christmas and I’m so glad for your blessings.

8 thoughts on “I survived the holidays. Again.

  1. Sorry you had such a tough time this year. It hasn’t been easy for me either, but thankfully I didn’t have a ton of parties or family events to attend. This is usually my favorite time of year too, but between being so very far from ALL of my family, and then to have had our pregnancy ripped away too, I just haven’t felt as happy as I normally do. I truly hope we all have a better year next year, and this will all just be a distant memory! *hugs*

  2. I am right there with you. I am so optimistic about the holidays but for the last couple of years I ended up in a heap of tears a couple of days after Christmas. It’s becoming predictable…so like you I hope that this is the last such year. May we have babies or big bumps next Christmas!

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