As of tomorrow, I will be one week out from my baseline and (God-willing) start stimming! Eeep! AND because I’ll be cycling in SD, my boss has given me approval to telecommute during some of my time off! Yay! This means I won’t have to virtually deplete all of my sick leave and use half of my vacation time! We’ll discuss specifics tomorrow, but as long as it’s SOME telecommuting, I’m totes satisfied with whatever she’s offering. I’m so excited now.
I did have two minor hiccups in the optimism department. One occurred this morning when I was silly enough to try to do the whole #tbt photo thing today. I’ll start at the beginning: a few months ago I stubbornly decided that even though I’m currently barren and desperately want kids, I would download the Time Hop app. For those of you unfamiliar with it, it basically searches your phone and all the places you’ve uploaded photos to and provides you with a daily report of all the photos you’ve taken on that exact day in previous years. Moms LOVE this because they get to see their toddlers/school-age when they were squishy little babies/toddlers. My dumb-butt loved the idea because I’ve enjoyed a pretty fun and exciting last 7 years.
What I did not expect were pictures of bad memories. Take today’s for example
It was kind of a punch to the gut to know that pain and grief would always be there. I mean, I know it’ll never be ok, but I was surprised at how deeply I felt that loss. And I really hated putting myself through it again. So I was going to delete the app all together, but it has reminded me of really good times so I was able to change the settings to show me only the photos I’ve posted on social media. And I didn’t link it to my TTC Instagram account, so I’ll be safe now. Hopefully!
Then when I wasn’t feeling so bad anymore, I talked with a good friend and let her know I wouldn’t be attending her child’s birthday party because it’s just too painful right now. She knew and understood. Then a FERTILE friend said she understood and wouldn’t be attending because she feels left out at those events. I’m sorry, but really? Yes, being unmarried with no children at 34 is rough. And going to a child’s birthday party alone is really rough. But it’s nowhere near the same as what I’m going through. Especially when you know you can get pregnant. I was so upset but I gave her some advice and vented to Hubster. Now I’m mostly over it.
Just trying to stay excited and positive for what’s in store. Wish me luck when I talk to my boss tomorrow!