Shock

I imagine that’s what I’ll feel as long as I’m pregnant.

I was shocked to see a faint second line at 4dp5dt. In fact, my dear friend was the one to tell me it was there lol.

I was shocked that it continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when I received my first-ever BFP on a digital at 6dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked that my first beta at 8dp5dt was so positive.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when my 2nd beta not only doubled, but almost tripled at 10dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

In fact, I was stunned when the 2nd line became darker than the control line at 12dp5dt.

And I shocked myself when I stopped peeing on things at 13dp5dt. I couldn’t bear the disappointment of seeing the line stop changing. I figured that’s as good as it’s going to get, right?

I was shocked my 3rd  (and hopefully final) beta continued to soar. OMG, I hit the thousands!

I am shocked that I’m still pregnant.

I’m not expecting this pregnancy to end and I feel very optimistic, but damn, it’s absolutely shocking every day that I continue to be pregnant. I don’t ever expect that feeling to go away and that’s honestly ok. I think it’ll remind me to be so very grateful and my humbled heart is happy for that.

I’m having a hard time processing how I’m feeling, but I do feel an immense joy and pride. I hug my progesterone blump often and secretly smile. I even strut my stuff and let that blump do it’s Thang instead of trying to suck it in or hide it. I’m pregnant and proud of my pregnant body. I have to remind myself of that until I can safely start using light weights to re-tone my muscles because it has been sad watching flab overtake them.

But pregnancy is worth it and right now, I am pregnant.

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22 thoughts on “Shock

  1. Yes. You. Are. For me, the shock never completely leaves after experiencing infertility. I was shocked the day my first was born and shocked the day my second was and continue to be on a regular basis all these years later. It’s a feeling worth holding onto. So so happy for you, friend!

  2. Your post is exactly how I’m feeling, too! There’s this disbelief, like at any moment it could all be taken away from me.

  3. I’m not sure that shock ever wears off. I regularly look at my two-year-old and am shocked that I grew her and get to raise her. It’s pretty much the best thing ever. Enjoy the ride!

  4. This post makes my heart so incredibly full. I knew this was it for you, I could feel it. Soak it all up and enjoy every second of shock and amazement. You worked so hard to get here. Xoxo

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