Needing support

I was doing REALLY well off and on for about 4 days. I felt comfortable with this “pregnancy” (see, I’m back to not being able to use the word!) and shared the news with our families. Since it’s Chinese New Year and both of our families have been celebrating, everyone has asked the normal questions they ask any newly-expectant (still can’t do it!) woman. And it’s been fun to have normal answers! Until now.

I think since it’s been a few days since receiving my last beta, I have had a hard time continuing to believe I’m pregnant. Especially because it’s too early for symptoms other than exhaustion, giant/heavy boobies, and extreme bloating.

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So I caved and bought more pee sticks yesterday. Clearly, I still have lots of HCG in my system.

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But today, I’m back to worrying. Luckily I am busy prepping for a week long business trip next week and will be so busy working next week that I should stay sort of sane until my first u/s on 3/2, but I need some extra support.

Send any advice and encouragement you can think of, please and does anyone know of a SECRET fb group for women who are pregnant after loss?

Thanks for everything, ladies! I so totally appreciate it.

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42 thoughts on “Needing support

  1. I have no words of wisdom, in my experience the first few weeks are the hardest because it doesn’t always feel real. Try not to focus on the fears, and try to enjoy the little moments of happiness and excitement when you can. Love to you.

  2. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. I don’t know what it’s like to lose a pregnancy, but I worry about the same things at times because it took so much and so long to get pregnant. What do you think about looking for support groups in your area? Resolve may have some information on support groups for pregnancy loss, or may be able to refer you to a counselor that specializes in infertility? Just an idea, but I hope that you and your hubby find the support you need. Hugs!

    • Great idea, but not for me. I have such a Rockstar support system and I don’t want to go into a situation I can’t control lol. I need to be able to connect to the people in my support system, which doesn’t happen all the time. I think I’m just really picky because I’ve been really spoiled. It thanks for letting me know I’m not alone and crazy.

  3. I was so sick the first few weeks, I was just hoping the baby would be ok but the truth is, I still look at my monster at almost 2 years old and still can’t believe he’s mine. Only thing I can tell you is to take it one day at a time and enjoy every moment,it’s all so surreal you don’t always realize the amazing truth of it all.

  4. It’s bloody tough. With my last pregnancy i kinda wanted to just hibernate through the first trimester and wake up when everything was all ok and I was safely I the 2nd trimester. Failing that, I say pee on a stick as often as you want if it gives you reassurance. And possibly stay away from Dr. Google – this jerk can make you believe anything – good or bad, so when you are feeling insecure do not go there!

  5. I’m sorry you’re having such a rough time with this. I don’t have any advice, but I’m here for support! Just try to keep in the back of your (overactive!) mind that it’s probably just too early to feel anything significant, and to try to trust in your body. I know it’s so much easier said than done, but I agree with MPB…enjoy everyone’s happiness for you, and let yourself feed off of that. When I was worried about my pregnancy in the fall, a few people here gave me some great advice: right now you ARE pregnant, and you need to just be happy about that. Focus on what you know right now, not what you fear may be…that helped me a lot. 🙂

  6. Honestly, I think you need to step away from peeing on sticks. There is absolutely no reason to continue to do so – you had a completely normal beta with a completely normal doubling time. I think peeing adds to the anxiety at this point (whether you realize it or not) because mentally you are still in the frame of mind of “is this real/am I pregnant” when you should be thinking “today, I am pregnant.” So that would be my main advice. You will never be able to get past ALL the anxiety but you can do some small things to at least minimize your current level.

  7. It will never seem “real” and saying your pregnant over and over probably will sound weird for a while. I still say it quietly sometimes lol. Only now that I’ve found their heartbeats at home is it starting to feel “real”

  8. I had 0 symptoms my entire first trimester which was really scary but obviously turned out just fine. Just know that there is nothing you can do so just trust in your pregnancy as much as possible and hope for 3/2 to come soon!

  9. I think for me when I did finally get pregnant with my girl I had to really focus on what was real and what was my reality that day and that day I was pregnant even if I couldn’t feel the baby yet or really have any symptoms. My husband also reminded me that something can always go wrong or something bad could happen to me to him or the baby but we don’t live in fear for ourselves so I couldn’t live in fear for my baby either. Just again focus on the now and now I am pregnant. It also helped me when I was comfortable talking to be about the news being able to hear their excitement helped me heal and feel that same excitement. And maybe I was weird with this but i started looking online for baby stuff as a way to kind of allow myself to believe this was true and it was happening. Hang in there these first months are rough but before you know it it’ll be second trimester.

    • I can see that helping. I actually started pinning nursery ideas and maybe I’ll start looking into researching stuff to purchase. Thanks for the reality-check via your hubby. You’re (he’s) right.

  10. Even after seeing an ultrasound with a baby and feeling like crap I still couldn’t be convinced I was actually pregnant and my mind continued to explain everything away. I think what you’re experiencing is normal for what you’ve been through but also probably normal for anyone who has had to work so hard to get pregnant. I can’t tell you when you’ll start to believe it. Sometimes I look at my kids even now and I can’t believe they were inside my body and that they are mine to keep, it’s unbelievable. But you are pregnant!!! So try to let yourself if not believe it then try not to NOT believe it? If that makes sense.

  11. I totally understand and felt the same way. I think even through the entire pregnancy (big belly, movement and all)! You are pregnant! Try to enjoy the moments and step away from POAS. 🙂

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