Please feel free to skip of this will be a trigger for you.

Waiting for the first ultrasound has given me the most intense feelings I’ve ever experienced. Although I know things can go well at 6w4d and then terribly wrong at subsequent ultrasounds, I personally need to get this first 1 over with. It’s killllllling me to wait so long, but it’s almost here.

2 sleeps, people.

I feel good about it, in between the periods of terror I feel, of course. I feel more and more “pregnant” each day and the more miserable I feel, the more satisfied I am. Typical, infertile lol! I’ve been secretly writing bumpdates because I’ve wanted to chronicle every moment of this pregnancy, but have been afraid of jinxing it. Plus, 4 or 5 weeks pregnant doesn’t seem really pregnant, you know? Because if I lost this baby(ies), it could be considered a “late period,” maybe? I don’t know.

I’m constantly worried and freaking out and prefer not to talk about what is happening with my body. Especially as people in my Instagram feed lose babies at 7 or 8 weeks that tested chromosomally normal. So I’m hiding. But I’m doing better at reminding myself that today I am pregnant.

Today I am 6w2d.


11 thoughts on “Hiding

  1. I have been nervous before all three scans I have had. I have one on Monday and I can say I feel fine now but Monday morning I will most likely be a ball of nerves. I am 13 weeks today. Don’t be too hard on yourself.

  2. I too have been nervous for each scan anticipating one of the babes not to be growing well or heart no longer beating. I think it’s the first trimester that does it to you. This last scan made me feel like I am starting to get out of the woods. It’s ok that you feel this way, we all do.

  3. I feel exactly the same! I am at 6 weeks 3 days today. I go in Tuesday for first sonogram. I feel the need to take another HPT.

  4. I think it’s completely normal for you to be nervous! I know whenever I get my next BFP, I’ll be scared for everything lol. Good luck and hope you get through the next 2 days quickly!

  5. Of COURSE you are worried and freaking out! Totally to be expected. I felt zippo up to my scan and I was a mess. I got sick two days after and came out of the bathroom giddy. Hang in there and enjoy the now as much as you can.

  6. Nerves are completely normal!! I felt nothing the entire first trimester and it freaked me out! This time around I’m feeling nothing as well and trying not to worry…. Good luck with your scan!!

  7. First few weeks are hard, but you can get through this!!! You will always worry, try and enjoy everyday that you are pregnant. Good luck with your u/s!!

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