This might be a slightly different take on NIAW’s phrase for 2015, but for those of you feeling left behind in the trenches of infertility, please remember that YOU ARE NOT ALONE!
I think this was the most painful part of infertility for me.
I started blogging after a year of trying and a few clomid cycles and couldn’t believe my luck in finding such a great infertility blogging community, thanks to Izzy. I connected with several bloggers immediately and found a good number of infertility-besties. They were already IF veterans so they provided so much good advice and lessons as I started getting to a more desperate place in my journey.
And slowly, but surely, each one of them got pregnant and had babies, except for 3. My reader became so full of pregnancy updates and birth stories that I struggled with opening it. I put a filter on my email to have all blog posts sent to a separate folder because even my email was full of those posts.
And I took several breaks from blogging. I mean, all I could do was whine about trying and losses while everyone else (or so it seemed at the time) began their families. And that is what pushed me into a short depression. I refused to talk to most of my family, friends, and coworkers. I was angry, bitter, lost, and hopeless. Yes, they all had begun their journeys long before mine and had been in my exact place before, but nothing could console me.
I was left behind and all alone.
But I wasn’t really. I just didn’t know it.
It wasn’t until we decided to do IVF that I started looking for new bloggers to connect with. It was so hard to set out and find new blogs I could relate to and new bloggers who wanted to get to know me. It was like going to a new school in the middle of the school year and trying to make new friends. But I did it and I wish I had done it sooner.
I wish I hadn’t put myself through that extremely lonely period of time.
So now I’m here, telling any of you who feel left behind, that you aren’t. I can now say from experience that infertility doesn’t go away with that first positive pregnancy test, ultrasound or even feeling baby move. Because I’ve gone through it, I will always feel like an Infertile. Hell, I relate better to those of you still in the trenches than with any prego or momma!
And even if that doesn’t help, there’s still tons of infertile bloggers still writing away who would love more support and to give it. So mourn the fact that you’re still in the trenches and get out there and find them. It’s MUCH easier than making friends in a new school lol. I promise you the only thing you’ll regret is not doing it sooner.
Big, big hugs from one of your own!