Marriage + hormones = unhappily ever after

We could barely survive my PMSing.

We barely survived Clomid.

Why did I think we should do IVF and try to survive pregnancy?

Let alone a newborn?

After 7 years, we still cannot survive my hormones. I have finally lost all hope that this marriage will last. Even knowing this baby is growing inside of me and feeling all this negative emotion isn’t enough for my husband to put his pride aside and do what he knows I need from him. So I think I’m done.

He, of course, tells me to calm down and that I’m overreacting. Which has the opposite effect. Obvs. After 7 years he somehow hasn’t learned to stop saying this to me when I’m hormonal and upset. So how do we get any better? I really don’t think we can.

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23 thoughts on “Marriage + hormones = unhappily ever after

  1. So sorry girl, I know your emotions and hormones are high. I agree that counselingay be worth a try if you haven’t already. At least maybe waiting until the hormones have settled down and see how co parenting goes. Thinking of you!

    • I would agree. I wouldn’t make any decisions until you have had the baby and your hormones have leveled out to normal levels. I remember thinking that I was perfectly level-headed during pregnancy and afterwards and yet a few months later I was like “whoa.”

  2. So sorry 😦 You did survive all those things, though. How did you survive them? What did you do and what did your husband do to get you through those times? Parenting a newborn IS also really hard and stressful on a marriage so if you do want to do it together you will need to figure out some support systems or communication strategies sooner rather than later, figure out what your strengths are as a couple and what you need help with, and what can provide you with that help. Good luck … ❤

  3. It’s hard, isn’t it? But I think you CAN get through it, if you both really want to. Counseling is an awesome idea. And so is “waiting it out.” With being pregnant and soon having a newborn, hormones and emotions are crazy. It’s an amazing time, but a reeeeeeally stressful and overwhelming time as well. I remember feeling “done” with the marriage over and over again, as well as so lonely and abandoned by my husband who didn’t know the first thing about being a dad, when our first child came along. But by the end of the first year, those feelings had largely dissipated and, 2.5 kids into this thing, our marriage is now stronger than ever. When you’re feeling calm and when he’s in the mood to talk, maybe you can sit down and have a heart-to-heart. Tell him the things that really set you off and make him understand what you need from him in those moments. And then together, you can work on a strategy for better communication and strengthening your relationship — whether it’s going to counseling or something else. Take deep breaths. It CAN be okay. xo

  4. Hormones should be outlawed, I can honestly think of no good reason for em as they just mess us up. That said,yours are loco ballistic as your obviously aware so all I can ask is that you DO NOT make any life changing decisions right now. I thought I was fine and totally in charge till about 4 months post birth when I was assessing things and couldn’t believe that any of my friends and family allowed me to make some of the decisions I made while pregnant.(the worst being allowing the hubs to make decisions, I love that man but I’m still trying to sort out the messes that fool made while I was incapacitated). Your going to need all the help you can get and you are going to feel very differently in a few short weeks so maybe you need to either spend some time together in a different environment…maybe take a baby on somewhere where you have nothing to do but relax and reconnect. If you can’t handle being around him,then go by yourself and just breath.
    It’s hard but your doing so well and your almost there.

    • Thank you so much. You’re right about making decisions. It’s CRAZY how strongly you feel one second and then once your logic returns, everything can be better. Babymoon is next month. Can’t wait!

      • Hubby used my craziness to his advantage…a few months later and he had convinced me that buying a house and having my parents live with us was a GREAT idea and he just had a fabulous time shopping and ruining my careful budget. Lucky for him,I need his paycheck or I would have throttled him once I worked it all out.

  5. Hormones, especially pregnancy hormones make a woman crazy and the man even more stupid. 😀 My husband also still tells me to calm down (or that “I’m tired”) when I’m already upset and it never helps. What are they thinking!
    I do agree with others, you have made it this far together still, definitely stick it out, if you can, until after the baby has been born and is at least 3 months old or so. (Maybe even 1 year.) Pregnancy and a newborn are really difficult times Even though this is our second go of it, it is still difficult. *hugs*

  6. I’m with cassiedash on “waiting it out”. I read somewhere that its NOT a good idea to make big life changes/decisions when you’re already undergoing a lot of stress. Plus, hormones are nuts. And so are men….;)

  7. Sending you love my friend. I’m sorry you guys are going through such a rough patch, and I hope that you are able to wait it out and see how life treats you as a couple once the hormones become more normal again. Also, I highly recommend a good counsellor, a third party could really help you sort through some of this stuff because it’s hard stuff that very few people know how to navigate.

  8. You will make it through. Pregnancy after infertility is the hardest thing hormonally. There is a lot more PTSD and fear than the average preggo has, not to mention the 12 weeks of high super high progesterone in the bum. And it is likely going to get a little harder before it gets easier. The first three months after baby comes is a sleep deprived whirlwind of hormones crashing, poop splattering, boobs hurting, men hiding behind math books (or whatever it is they do). You guys are a great couple who has made it through SO MUCH already. You are going to get through this and those first three months. Go snuggle your doggies and call your counselor in the morning. Explain to hubs that you guys need the regular support from a counselor for the next 6-12 months to help you move through this with a little more grace and sanity and tell him that Belle and Prof did not get the support due to moving and it took a gigantic toll on us. The two BEST things you can spend money on right now is a house keeper and a counselor. Everything else like fancy nurseries and baby moons can wait. Sending you lots of love (and call me if you need to talk anytime!!!)

  9. I’m so sorry you guys were/are having trouble. I hope the counseling is exactly what is needed because you two are adorable together and you can see the love shining through your maternity pics. Sending you lots of love!

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