So much to update…

Not sure where I’m at!

First, Hubster and I are good now. We took wonderful maternity pictures a few short hours after our big blowup-and had fun doing it! After 2 more near-meltdowns from me, he is learning when to shut his mouth and that not everything needs to be argued. Especially my feelings! But, I’m still worried so I requested that he attend therapy and we can get back to marriage counseling later, if needed.

Before anyone judges this plan for lack of equity, it’s there. Believe me. I have been in and out of therapy since childhood. Hubster and I come from very similar families in some ways (grew up in the same neighborhood with families of identical cultures), but very very different in others and I feel like I’ve adjusted my expectations and made allowances for him because of the way he was raised far more than he has for me.

My family is very affectionate and outwardly loving. We have no boundaries and nothing is off-limits to ask or tease about. Some of us have thicker skins than others, but since it’s always in fun, we just laugh. We are also mostly honest and direct. Though we adore each other, I think hurt feelings aren’t at the forefront of everyone’s minds.

Hubster’s family is MUCH more polite. Even though they are as close as my family, they respect boundaries and try not to step on anyone’s toes. They also do not hug, kiss, tickle, or playfully shove each other at all. They don’t ask nosy questions or gossip about each other.

Lucky for me, Hubster wishes his family were more like mine in the ways that I enjoy them. The affection, for one. Also, he likes to use me to get info he wants to know. (Sorry to his cousin who reads this blog!) Since I naturally just ask stuff no one in his family would dream of asking he always asks me ahead of time to ask his family questions he wants the answers to! I think it’s hilarious, but a little sad. And mind-boggling! I mean, their family is so close!

Anyway, another way his family (nuclear) is different is the lack of independence they encouraged. His parents have (and would continue if he wanted them to) done everything for their kids. Super sweet, at first. Now that Hubster is an independent adult (read: married), he realizes he is handicapped and now that I’m pregnant, he knows that I have picked up a lot of that slack over the years.

A lack of affection and initiative are the 2 things that will drive me the most bonkers and the love of my life has both. But I have learned to be patient with him, except that now it’s been 7 years and I’m done being patient. I’m grateful they are things he wants to be better at, though, so we don’t have any difficult decisions to make. At this moment lol.
*Edit: Also, having our son grow up in an affectionate household, with a healthy way of settling disagreements, and encouraging independence and a high self esteem built through learning to accomplish things is as important to Hubster as it is to me. And we agree that must be practiced now.

Ok, the maternity photo session was WAY better than I expected. I couldn’t believe I’d have fun posing for pictures for almost 2 hours! And so did my husband. We laughed a lot through the session and it was nice to feel that connected again. I told our photographer (a childhood friend who does photography on the side) I didn’t want the session to be about me and my bump, I really wanted it to be focused on the love that got us to this point. She printed all my pins from the board I created for this shoot and did them all. With a few of her own. And was patient with our furbabies! I’m so grateful. Here are the 10 we chose:











I was so glad my wonderful hairdresser fit me in at the last moment to cut/style my hair and surprised me with doing my makeup! I cannot do my own “picture” hair and makeup to save my life lol!

That’s it for now. I’ll work on my very first (published) bumpdate next to include the nursery stuff, baby purchases and hand-me-downs, and my fetal monitoring US on Friday.

Thanks again for all your support, ladies! Once again, you’ve talked me down from a very regrettable ledge and I love you for it.

32 thoughts on “So much to update…

    • Thanks, friend! I wish relationship issues during IF and pregnancy were discussed more often so I don’t feel as crazy and dramatic lol. Comments like these help so much.

  1. Your photos are so wonderful! And, I love that you and your man are doing better these day! We all have our tough days, and I’m glad you survived and are moving forward. Such an amazing skill to be able to demonstrate to your littles.

  2. Love these photos! You look GORGEOUS. And I’m thrilled you and your hubs are finding a way to work through the difficult things. Hope things only continue to get better and better!

    • Nope, I realized when I was posting the pics that you all didn’t know yet lol. That’s how I told my family too! And thanks! We think it’s pretty awesome also. Some family members, not so much. Oh well…

      • Screw them πŸ˜‰
        That’s why we’re telling absolutely no one until she’s born! I don’t want unsolicited opinions hahaha

      • Yeah, we thought about that, but I figured some people would need time getting used to it lol. Then all of a sudden I loved telling everyone and no one seems to wanna take away my joy lol. We love it abs that’s all that matters. Plus we tried calling him several other names and they all felt wrong. That’s how we decided on this name.

      • I get that. We decided on Saturday on a name (I am 99% sure anyway haha) and it’s hard not telling anyone but it’s the one part of this surrogacy pregnancy thing we can actually have to ourselves/control for now!

      • That totally makes sense. I’m so excited for you. I had no idea naming a child could be so hard. But I think knowing this is probably your only one adds pressure? Anyway, I can’t wait to find out your baby girl’s!

      • It does add pressure and who knew it would feel so serious! Like it’s a really serious decision naming another human hahaha!

      • It is! It’s something you think is a fun part of pregnancy, but no. It’s serious stuff! Hahaha we probably sound like such nerds now. Love you! So glad to be doing this with you.

  3. The pictures are beautiful and I think I somehow missed your last post. I’m going to have to go back and read it now. Either that, or my scatter brain just can’t remember things and I’m not even pregnant. If I ever become pregnant, I’m going to be in huge trouble on that front, lol.

  4. You guys are so cute! I love that one of you kissing and two of your dogs looking up at you (and one who is just like whattt).

  5. I love all the pictures! They turned out great! And so glad that you came back from your upset post and that hubby is going to go with you to therapy. It’s so hard when something we look for or hate in a relationship, is something that our significant other does or doesn’t do! At least you know that you guys can work through things, and you’re both willing to work on it. Can’t wait for your next update!

  6. HAHA we ARE super polite. I feel his anxiety over the blending of backgrounds. He and I should talk about it…but we probably won’t πŸ˜›

    Photos look fantastic! Can’t wait to see you guys this weekend! ❀

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