Not sure where I’m at!
First, Hubster and I are good now. We took wonderful maternity pictures a few short hours after our big blowup-and had fun doing it! After 2 more near-meltdowns from me, he is learning when to shut his mouth and that not everything needs to be argued. Especially my feelings! But, I’m still worried so I requested that he attend therapy and we can get back to marriage counseling later, if needed.
Before anyone judges this plan for lack of equity, it’s there. Believe me. I have been in and out of therapy since childhood. Hubster and I come from very similar families in some ways (grew up in the same neighborhood with families of identical cultures), but very very different in others and I feel like I’ve adjusted my expectations and made allowances for him because of the way he was raised far more than he has for me.
My family is very affectionate and outwardly loving. We have no boundaries and nothing is off-limits to ask or tease about. Some of us have thicker skins than others, but since it’s always in fun, we just laugh. We are also mostly honest and direct. Though we adore each other, I think hurt feelings aren’t at the forefront of everyone’s minds.
Hubster’s family is MUCH more polite. Even though they are as close as my family, they respect boundaries and try not to step on anyone’s toes. They also do not hug, kiss, tickle, or playfully shove each other at all. They don’t ask nosy questions or gossip about each other.
Lucky for me, Hubster wishes his family were more like mine in the ways that I enjoy them. The affection, for one. Also, he likes to use me to get info he wants to know. (Sorry to his cousin who reads this blog!) Since I naturally just ask stuff no one in his family would dream of asking he always asks me ahead of time to ask his family questions he wants the answers to! I think it’s hilarious, but a little sad. And mind-boggling! I mean, their family is so close!
Anyway, another way his family (nuclear) is different is the lack of independence they encouraged. His parents have (and would continue if he wanted them to) done everything for their kids. Super sweet, at first. Now that Hubster is an independent adult (read: married), he realizes he is handicapped and now that I’m pregnant, he knows that I have picked up a lot of that slack over the years.
A lack of affection and initiative are the 2 things that will drive me the most bonkers and the love of my life has both. But I have learned to be patient with him, except that now it’s been 7 years and I’m done being patient. I’m grateful they are things he wants to be better at, though, so we don’t have any difficult decisions to make. At this moment lol.
*Edit: Also, having our son grow up in an affectionate household, with a healthy way of settling disagreements, and encouraging independence and a high self esteem built through learning to accomplish things is as important to Hubster as it is to me. And we agree that must be practiced now.
Ok, the maternity photo session was WAY better than I expected. I couldn’t believe I’d have fun posing for pictures for almost 2 hours! And so did my husband. We laughed a lot through the session and it was nice to feel that connected again. I told our photographer (a childhood friend who does photography on the side) I didn’t want the session to be about me and my bump, I really wanted it to be focused on the love that got us to this point. She printed all my pins from the board I created for this shoot and did them all. With a few of her own. And was patient with our furbabies! I’m so grateful. Here are the 10 we chose:
I was so glad my wonderful hairdresser fit me in at the last moment to cut/style my hair and surprised me with doing my makeup! I cannot do my own “picture” hair and makeup to save my life lol!
That’s it for now. I’ll work on my very first (published) bumpdate next to include the nursery stuff, baby purchases and hand-me-downs, and my fetal monitoring US on Friday.
Thanks again for all your support, ladies! Once again, you’ve talked me down from a very regrettable ledge and I love you for it.