Shock

I imagine that’s what I’ll feel as long as I’m pregnant.

I was shocked to see a faint second line at 4dp5dt. In fact, my dear friend was the one to tell me it was there lol.

I was shocked that it continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when I received my first-ever BFP on a digital at 6dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked that my first beta at 8dp5dt was so positive.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

I was shocked when my 2nd beta not only doubled, but almost tripled at 10dp5dt.

I continued to be shocked that the 2nd line continued to darken everyday.

In fact, I was stunned when the 2nd line became darker than the control line at 12dp5dt.

And I shocked myself when I stopped peeing on things at 13dp5dt. I couldn’t bear the disappointment of seeing the line stop changing. I figured that’s as good as it’s going to get, right?

I was shocked my 3rd  (and hopefully final) beta continued to soar. OMG, I hit the thousands!

I am shocked that I’m still pregnant.

I’m not expecting this pregnancy to end and I feel very optimistic, but damn, it’s absolutely shocking every day that I continue to be pregnant. I don’t ever expect that feeling to go away and that’s honestly ok. I think it’ll remind me to be so very grateful and my humbled heart is happy for that.

I’m having a hard time processing how I’m feeling, but I do feel an immense joy and pride. I hug my progesterone blump often and secretly smile. I even strut my stuff and let that blump do it’s Thang instead of trying to suck it in or hide it. I’m pregnant and proud of my pregnant body. I have to remind myself of that until I can safely start using light weights to re-tone my muscles because it has been sad watching flab overtake them.

But pregnancy is worth it and right now, I am pregnant.