Still surreal

That’s my life.

Since that beautiful day in February that we found out we were pregnant.

Most days I woke up in the morning shocked that I was pregnant. I kinda always thought it was a dream. Even with my ginormous belly (which, BTW, I don’t remember being THAT big even though I remember my bump being larger than “normal”), I would wake up confused that it was there.

And now, when holding my baby, the realization that this is real life hits me and I’m shocked that I’m s mother. Honestly, I just feel like a lazy slob most days until I remember my 3-week old baby is glued to my breasts so I can’t do much most of the day and night. Other than keep my baby fed and loved, of course.

How is this me?!?

And how is this my child?!?

All I know is that the stress, physical pain (breastfeeding and pumping), fear, and exhaustion are so worth this little guy. He is completely perfect and a miracle that Hubster and I treasure completely.

Now for some fun stuff!

Even though he was 2 weeks old, we got to have our first family Halloween costume! Hubster loves fried chicken and wanted to be Colonel Sanders so I suggested a KFC-theme and he loved it. That was before we had the baby, of course. But we pulled it off!

Before anyone mistakenly thinks I pulled this off, it was all Hubster. I told him what I envisioned and that if he wanted us to do it, then he needed to get it together and he did! Amazing!

Birth story

Our baby has arrived.

Date: 10/12/15
Time: 12:04 a.m.
Weight: 7lbs 4.9oz
Length: 19 1/2in

I was in early labor (contractions between 10-30 minutes) for 2 days, beginning late Friday night, then they became more frequent, between 4-10 minutes, the next day. Oh and I lost my nasty mucus plug that 2nd day. When they were about 4-5 minutes for over an hour and a half on Saturday, we went to the hospital. I was only 1.5 cm, so even though they were strong enough to wake me up throughout the night, they didn’t open my cervix at all.

I got a pain talk from the on-call doctor and wanted to punch her in the face. She explained the contractions would knock the wind out of me and I’d have a hard time walking, etc. Well, all of that WAS happening to me. So I freaked out thinking my pain tolerance must be much lower than I thought and immediately regretted my decision to be medication-free during labor and delivery. I mean, she basically said I was having baby contractions and they really hurt! What I didn’t realize was I was having back labor so there was tons of pain in my back, hips, thighs and lots of pressure in my butt. On top of uterine contractions.

When we went home the contractions got closer together, but because I already hadn’t slept in 2 days I took benadryl in hopes of knocking out. Unfortunately, my contractions slowed to about 10 minutes apart and I still woke up for every one.

At 6 a.m. the next morning, I lost my shit and woke up Hubster telling him he needed to call the hospital to see what pain meds they could offer. The nurse said they could only offer norco, which doesn’t even guarantee sleeping through contractions, so I said forget it. I’d just stay home and continue sleeping in 3-10 minute increments. I was a crying mess for about 10 minutes and then he coached me back to breathing through contractions. Then they got closer together later that afternoon and if I was standing/walking a lot they were 3 minutes apart, if I was sitting, they were 6. Since it was all back labor, sitting was difficult so I basically stood all afternoon and evening.

I had dinner and then my fluids started leaking and bam, they were 3 minutes apart and so strong! I got admitted at 4.5 cm shortly before 9 p.m. on Sunday night and contractions were crazy intense because they were so close together. At 11:30 p.m. I had mentioned the urge to push a few times and finally the nurse asked if I wanted to get checked and I said yes.

There was already hair visible so they paged my doctor and I half-pushed and half-tried to keep the baby in for 25 minutes while we waited for my doctor to get there. Another doctor could have delivered, but I only felt comfortable with MINE. I mean, he was the one who trusted me enough to let me drive all of my treatment and calmly explained things to me in a way I could understand without making me feel like an idiot. So if a complication arose during delivery, I only trusted him to give me the facts I would need to make decisions. Anyway, he arrived and I started pushing. 8 minutes later, Carey tore his way into the world. With no meds!

How did I survive a long labor with no meds? A support system!

During contractions, I leaned against a wall or doorframe or swayed holding onto Hubster or my mom while they squeezed my hips or put counter pressure on my back for 3 days at home and while laboring at the hospital. Once admitted, I got one shower in before the baby needed continuous monitoring, which my nurse had to hold onto my belly from her perch on the floor because he was too low to keep the monitor on him!

I could not use my yoga ball, go onto all fours, squat, or sit in any shape or form due to the pressure in my butt. That was really disappointing to me, as they had helped me maintain my comfort during pregnancy and I knew would help me preserve my energy for pushing. 

So my support team had their work cut out for them! They reminded me to breathe (short, quick breaths during the peak of my contractions and fog the mirror breathing when I needed to slow myself down) constantly and Hubster miraculously kept me talked out of the epi! He’d remind me of how many women give birth, how they used to squat in the woods lol, and ask if I thought I could actually sit still for one. After that last one I stopped asking because I’m terrified of needles, terrified of them missing the spy spot the epi needed to go, and terrified of sitting through a contraction! I also visualized swimming in La Jolla cove for a few contractions. Hubster talked with me about what we were seeing, which surprisingly helped to distract me!

Once our baby was born, I didn’t cry until after my hour of skin-to-skin while I watched my hubby and baby go off for baby to be checked out. That’s when it stopped being so surreal for me. Well, for a second. It’s still weird to be called “mom”, “mommy”, and “mother”. I remember being just really really happy and felt my world was finally “normal” when I had my baby laying on my chest. Like this is how my life was supposed to be this whole time.

I chit chatted with my doctor and reminisced about asking him for Clomid, discussing home insemination, letting him know we were stopping treatments to pursue adoption, and that my parents had offered to help with IVF so we were heading down south to do that. He helped with my diagnostic testing and early pregnancy monitoring so to have him deliver our miracle baby felt like we came full circle together. We joked about other things and he went and took pictures with our baby while he laid under the warmer. I was seriously in Heaven at that moment.

All is still amazing in our world-even with the sleep deprivation, engorged breasts, and constant worry.

Seconds after birth

Big yawn

1 week old

In the home stretch

Well, the past couple of weeks have been quite eventful!

I started my new position, finished the nursery, went on maternity leave, attended a wedding, packed my hospital bag, and completed some DIY projects. Oh, and made a quick stop in L&D for some monitoring.

Last Thursday I started maternity leave and also got bad headache. It lasted all day and into the next. Friday’s was worse, but my friend came over to see the nursery and hang out so I powered through it. Unfortunately, it was still there Saturday and way worse. I took Tylenol and it did nothing for me. Finally I texted my doctor that evening while at the wedding reception and he asked me to go into L&D to be checked for pre-eclampsia. I knew I didn’t have it, but went anyway. And, to be honest, it was nice to go and see how things work. And meet all the nice nurses! I was given Fioricet for my head and an ice pack made out of a size 1 diaper haha! After a few hours, I started to feel better and all my labs came back normal so I got to go home. Sunday, I continued icing and taking meds and finally Monday my migraine went away.

While I was sequestered in the darkest room in our house, I finished the coming-home onesie cardigans I had been slowly working on here and there. Baby will wear a white onesie underneath the one that fits him best (one is nb and one is 0-3mos) and the bow tie will clip on to the white onesie. The blue sweater is size 0-3mos so it’ll fit him no matter what.

Hubster and I also finished the storage benches for the playroom and cleaning the room out. Hubster mounted the TV, put up a cabinet for all the electronics, and covered all the cords. I put together the Ikea spice racks that will become bookshelves (4 in the playroom and 2 in the nursery) so all he has to do is spray paint them and mount them, which should be done this week. And to keep the toys and playmat clean and safe from the dogs, we’re waiting until he arrives to put them out.

And here is the nursery (minus the bookshelves)!

Here are my hospital bags before Hubster put his stuff in (toiletries and makeup bags are packed, but are currently being used so they’ll go in when we leave)

And, finally, here is my 37+4 bump that measured 41 (almost 42) weeks. Sigh.

As of today I’m 1 cm dilated and about 70% effaced. My doctor said he could feel the head pretty low. Not really low, but pretty low. So I guess the baby is where he’s supposed to be at this point.

I started taking EPO and a 3rd trimester tea yesterday to help tone my uterus and soften my cervix. We’ll see if it helps at my next appt. It’s very obvious the baby has dropped to people who haven’t seen me for a couple of weeks and today I felt so much more pressure just walking around. It’s uncomfortable, but reminds me that my baby and body are doing what they’re supposed to. For some reason the pelvic pain hasn’t increased, which I’m grateful for!

So that’s it for now. We’re pretty much ready and just waiting for the baby to arrive! Poor Hubster seems to be more impatient than I am haha.

35 weeks

Holy cow!

Well, we’re nearing the end. And it’s so surreal. Stupid Stork warned me that pregnancy and having a baby never actually becomes real, but I didn’t believe her. I mean, woman is cray. But she was right! I still wake up surprised at this giant bump. And hold my breath until he wakes up and starts moving. (For some reason I think he has died in his sleep almost daily) Then he wakes up and I’m elated to find that I’m pregnant.

When I was not far along, I could not imagine getting to this point and would wish for time to speed up so I could get here faster. Well, people, it has. And now time seems to have stopped.

We’re almost ready. We had our last big shower (my work shower is the end of this month) last weekend which means clothes are all washed and put away, set aside, or given away to other preggy friends. The nursery is all ready to go, with the exception of 3 wall pieces that need to be hung up, the crib bedding needs to arrive, blinds need to be hung up, and returns need to be made. The playroom is almost complete. Hubster just has to convert the bookshelves into bench seating and I need to make the cushions (already have the bookshelves and I bought the materials for the cushions last weekend), then RockBand and the keyboard need to be moved into the living room.

The hospital bag is halfway packed, as is the diaper bag, and we’re putting car seat bases in the cars this weekend. I’ve prepped my L&D affirmations and will order them as photos next week to put in my cute Dollar Tree mini albums I bought. I’m starting to put together playlists (relaxing sounds, relaxing music, love songs, and FUN songs) on my phone and am organizing and copying all of my photos and videos to my Amazon cloud so I can make room in my 64gb sd card lol.

Oh! And we got our new dining room hutch and put all of the liquor and China in there and got rid of the cheap Target cabinet we had. We’re, like, real grownups now! Once all the rooms are finished I’ll post pics! The rest of my giant to-do list is coming along, but the things that are highest priority to give me peace of mind are done or on track so I’m really satisfied.

I also confirmed with my mom that she’ll come to the hospital with us to be there while I labor and give birth. And she’ll stay with us for a little bit while we get acclimated. I’m thinking of asking my MIL to come at about 3-4 weeks to help out since my mom isn’t retired yet, but I’m not sure that will work out since her and my FIL watch our 2 nephews 2 1/2 days per week. We’ll see though. Hubster just got approval to take 4 weeks off when the baby comes, 2 weeks around Christmas, and then another 4 weeks when I go back to work in February. So, we’re really almost ready!

Now I just keep working for the next two weeks and wait for baby. On maternity leave I’m planning to make our freezer meals and finish up the last of my to-do list. I’m planning on him coming late because every FTM I know has delivered at least 6 days late this year, but we’ll see. Last night while deep-squatting, I felt the craziest pressure. It was like I had been sitting on a bicycle for far too many hours. And today it feels like that every time I walk around and sit. It’s great to know he’s descending so much! But, he can be in position for weeks, I hear.

I know he’s head down because I just had my growth scan on Tuesday. Baby is measuring over 6 lbs, but since none of his measurements are the in the 95th percentile, nothing different will happen at this point. I will have another growth scan at about 37-38 weeks to check in again though. Oh and my lovely belly measured 38 weeks yesterday. Grrrrreat.

So that’s what’s happening here. It’s all very exciting, yet VERY surreal.

Lots to update

I got it!

Thanks for all the support and encouragement. I’m still in shock lol. My 2nd interview was on Wednesday and an hour after I was done, I got the offer.

So when I get back from maternity leave, I’ll be managing a brand new traveling unit of 4 staff. I can’t wait! I was already transferred to the unit to assist in the development of it so I’ll continue with it until I go on leave. While I’m on leave, another manager will hire my staff and start the onboarding process, then I come back in time for the field training.

It’s gonna be crazy, but seriously awesome!

Also, today my hubby’s coworkers (and my old coworkers) threw us a baby shower. It was so special because they were the ones supporting us and cheering us on as we started our TTC journey, and today they got to shower is with love, support, and so many gifts! It felt like we came full circle and I can’t wait to bring the baby in to meet all of them.

And tomorrow is another shower my best girlfriends are throwing for us! We are so spoiled!

Oh! My girlfriend came over last weekend and shared her concern about the state of our house and didn’t think we’d be ready to bring a baby home anytime soon. Hubster took it personally and was offended, which was great! Because he’s on a mission to prove her wrong lol!

We’re turning our family room into a playroom and he got the TV mounted on the wall, bought the wall unit to house the electronics that go with the TV, and cord covers! Now Baby will have less trouble to get into and we can still have the TV and wireless router in that room. However, since he will get plenty of screen time at his grandparents’ house 2-3 days/per week, we’re planning to use the TV only for music for the first couple of years. Planning. Lol.

Also, he got rid of our flimsy tiki bar that was in the family room and bought a respectable hutch for the dining room to house our liquor, bar glasses/accessories, and hopefully our wedding stuff and China. It’s a small hutch though and we’ve accumulated a LOT of alcohol/bar stuff over the years. 😒 Then we’ll take out a leaf in the dining room table, stack the extra chairs in one corner of the dining room and put the high chair in the other, since we won’t need to use it for awhile.

We’re going to have a real grownup house soon! With baby stuff! It’s SO surreal. But it’s happening and I’ll post pictures when it’s complete!

Um what else? Oh another week where I’ve missed a bumpdate, but I’ll quickly update you in bullets:

– I’m 34 weeks today!
– Baby started dropping a couple of days ago
– Hemorrhoids are still bad (went from 1 to 4, back down to 1.5)
– My growth scan ordered because I measured 4 weeks ahead at my 30 week prenatal is FINALLY coming up on Tuesday! Wish me luck!
– Maternity leave countdown has begun! 3 weeks of work left!

Here’s a picture from Wednesday

Guess who’s sitting on an ice pack?

Yep, that’s right, ME!

TMI-alert: hemorrhoid talk ensues

My 2nd hemorrhoid of this pregnancy has popped out and it’s so uncomfortable! But the worst part is imagining what will happen when I push this baby out. Especially because both have popped out when I’m merely slightly pushing. I’m not constipated or anything. Then all of a sudden, usually hours later, I feel a pile down there.

Has anyone ever heard of getting external hemis during pregnancy and NOT during delivery?

Pregnancy insomnia

Um isn’t it too early for this? At 33 weeks it is happening more frequently.

I’ve been laying in bed trying to sleep for over an hour and nothing. I’m so tired, but my mind keeps racing. I’m usually really good at quieting my mind, but not anymore.

So, hi, everyone!

Let’s see…oh I guess I should show you some pics of the nursery before our baby shower next weekend. We actually have Hubster’s work shower on Friday also, so lots of goodies will be making their way into our house!

It’s kind of a mismatched nursery at the moment, but I’m hoping the crib bedding and painting Hubster’s brother does for it will tie it all together! Also we’re converting our family room into a childproof playroom so half the stuff on the floor of the closet will be gone when that happens. Hopefully, the playroom will be completed the weekend of the 19th!

I’m slowly finishing up gathering stuff on my hospital bag packing list and will be ready to pack the weekend of the 19th. That’s the weekend I also have marked to put a waterproof mattress cover on my bed and put a towel down on my seat in the car, just in case my water breaks and gushes while I’m in either location. I also want the car seat bases installed in both cars. I know I’ll probably be one of the unlucky women who go into labor past my due date, but I also know several people who have gone into labor at 36 weeks so I want everything prepped at 35, just in case.

I’ll share my lists in the coming days to get your input, but for now, I think I’m going to try to sleep again. I’m actually getting sleepy!

Well.

I got a second interview next week! Eeeek!

I’m so shocked!

Thanks for all the well-wishes and support!

Also, Baby is still stretching and moving lots and even though it gets really uncomfortable, I’m loving them. Soon, I won’t feel his movements in my womb anymore so I’m appreciating every moment.

Finally, I passed another GTT! Yay! Thrilled not to have gestational diabetes. But I’m going to try to cut down on eating so many carbs to keep this kid from growing so rapidly. It’s so hard though…

Oh! Hubster and I just got back from our Babymoon in San Diego. It was wonderful. Lots of relaxing, fun, and he actually started reading The Birth Partner! So exciting to have him so on board!

Ok that’s it. Hopefully I’ll do a bumpdate soon.

Pregnancy is the most humbling time of my life

I am not in control at all. Whatsoever.

Of my body.

Or even my mind.

When I start seeing chub, I can’t adjust my eating/exercise routine to fix it.

When I’m feeling extra tired at work, I can’t sleep extra and feel refreshed the next morning.

I may want to eat a beautifully giant meal, but I won’t be able to finish it.

I may want to take the 3 flights of stairs several times a day at work like I used to, but I can’t.

I may want a pickle when I’m home alone, but I’m no longer able to open the jar.

All of that is ok. I just let it all go. Sometimes after a big cry lol, but really, I am loving being pregnant.

Except that I want to continue focusing on my career climbing, but I’m pretty sure I just bombed my interview for a promotion today.

I prepared, but my brain was such a fog, that I don’t even really remember any of the questions. Although I remember the things I didn’t say. The things that I knew would clinch it for me. I am literally the best choice for this position as I not only have the experience no one else has, but I have all the skills necessary. Oh did I mention that I’m basically creating the scope of work to be done?

Sigh.

I’m sad because I really wanted this job and while it would require the same amount of travel my job requires now initially, after a few months it would decrease drastically. Which means I’m guaranteed more time at home with my family. And I would be managing the team and making the decisions, not asking for direction.

So now I’m unsure of what to do next. Do I use the end of my maternity leave to start the awful process of applying for a new job? Do I stay and pray another opportunity opens up where I’m at? I don’t know. I really thought I had this in the bag and my career and this new life-altering change (baby) would work out perfectly.

I’m not going to worry about it right now though. We’re leaving on a short Babymoon this evening and I’m going to focus on relaxing and spending quality time with Hubster. When I come back, I can obsess about what to do about my career.
For now I’ll leave you with my preggo-interview pic. This just looks ridiculous lol!

TGIF!

And it was my last one in the office!

My boss approved me to telecommute 3 days a week starting next week.

WOOOOHOOOO!

This bebe is getting bigger and feeling heavier everyday so dragging my butt to work 5 days a week has been so rough. Now I imagine my productivity will increase substantially and my sanity will be saved.

Today I am 31 weeks and so far I’m still doing well. The pelvic pain has decreased due to my increased stretching/strengthening/resting lol. I no longer walk much more than 5,000 steps a day. It’s sad as I averaged about 8,000 until a month ago, but I’m listening to my body. I’ve heard about women ending up with walkers and wheelchairs! And not being able to resume exercise for up to a year pp! No thank you!

However, the pressure in the front of my pelvis has increased. I’m hoping that means Baby Boo is settling in and will continue to drop further. It’s definitely not comfortable, and his feet still play with my ribs, but it means he’ll be coming and I really need him not to come late. I’ve completely run out of space for him and my belly is stretching out further and further.

Somehow I still have barely an innie and no stretch marks! I really don’t understand that as I’m huge now, but I’ll take it! I’ve also officially gained 30lbs now. At 31 weeks. Waaahhh! So much for my goal of a 15-20lbs 20-25lbs 25-30lbs 30-35lbs weight gain. Please, God, don’t let me hit 45!

Other than feeling like a hippo as I waddle around and struggle on the couch or in bed, everything is great. All the kicks, rolls, and stretches make me wince, but also amaze me. And this morning Baby Boo danced to Hubster’s alarm. Have you of you heard that, “Good morning, good morning, lalalala…it’s a beautiful day” song as an alarm tone? If so, you’ll understand his dancing. If not, you should try to find it. It’s an upbeat and fun way to wake up. Can’t be mad at it, just have to get up! He also woke up when my dog barked in the middle of the night. That was interesting. Luckily I’m either too exhausted to feel him move a lot at night or he just actually sleeps then, but he has only woken me up for short periods of time maybe 3 times?

But. I have to do a repeat 3-hr glucose test. NOOOO! My belly measured 35 weeks. Sigh. And I also get an abbreviated anatomy scan so that’s exciting! But ugh I hope I don’t have GD. Sigh.